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1895 


Kive   Sermons 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA    SAN  DIEGO 


3  1822  02399  4973 


MARRIAGE 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA   SAN  DIEGO 


3  1822  02399  4973      S 


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Five  Sermons  on  Marriage 

BY 

CHARLES    H.    MANN 

A     MINISTER     OF     THE     NEW     CHURCH 
GIVING   SOME  OF 


THE  PRACTICAL  BEARINGS  OF  THE  TEACHINGS  OF 
SWEDENBORGS  WORK  ON  "CONJUGIAL  LOVE" 


"  A'(?  others  can  come  into  conju^ial  love,  or  can  be  in  it,  hut  t/iose 
•oho  approach  the  Lord,  and  love  the  truths  of  the  Church,  and  do 
its  goods." — C.  L.  57. 


ncviaio  av  thc  author 

THIRD     COITION 


NEW   YORK 

THE   NEW-CHURCH    BOARD  OF   PUBLICATION 

ao  Cooper  Union 

1895 


CONTEXTS 

PAGE 

I.     Popular  Misconceptions   concerning 

THE  Nature  of  Marriage        ...  5 

II.     The  True  Marriage 20 

III.  What  can   he  Done  to   Realize  True 

Marriages  on  Earth 33 

IV.  Unhapi'V  Marriages 48 

V.     .Marriage  in  Heaven 63 


I. 

POPULAR    MISCOxNCEPTIONS    CONCERNING 
THE    NATURE    OF    MARRIACK. 

"If  ye  love  them  thai  love  you.  what  thank  have  ye?  for  sinners  also 
love  those  who  lovi-  them.  And  if  ye  ihi  cood  to  them  whicli  do  (rood  to 
you  what  tlianli  tiave  ye?  for  sinners  also  do  even  the  same."— Like  vi. 
S2. ;«:  Matt  v.  4(3. 

Marriage,  in  all  its  varied  relationships,  presents 
the  most  extensive  field  (or  thought  that  could  be  placed 
before  us.  A  topic  more  broad,  or  capable  of  being 
viewed  in  more  aspects,  is  inconceivable.  It  is  at 
once  national  in  its  i)r(jportions,  as  the  interests  of  the 
nation  depend  niu(  h  upon  its  character,  and  it  is,  at 
the  same  time,  the  most  personal  of  any  relation  in  life. 
It  forms  an  important  department  of  study  ami  of  pro- 
fessional duty  in  every  one  of  the  learned  professions. 
'I'he  physician,  the  lawyer,  and  the  clergyman,  each  in 
his  own  department,  finds  that  tiie  relations  of  mar- 
riage are  the  most  momentous  fields  for  the  e.xercise  of 
his  thought  and  his  service.  It  extends  in  its  sym- 
pathies from  the  most  external  and  material  relations 
of  life  to  the  interior  regions  o(  the  soul.  It  involves, 
in   the  (juestions  it   brings  l)efore   our  minds,  the  pro- 


6  .FIVE    SERMOXS   OX   MARRIAGE. 

foundest  study  of  the  philosopher  and  the  commonplace 
problems  of  our  everyday  life.  It  is  at  once  the  most 
refined,  delicate,  and  exquisite  of  all  relations  in  heaven 
and  on  earth,  and  also  the  most  sensuous.  Rich  and 
poor,  and  the  distinguished  and  the  obscure  are  each 
equally  concerned  in  it.  Body  and  soul,  the  external 
and  the  internal,  yea,  the  whole  man  in  all  his  varied 
and  complicated  relations,  in  every  department  of  his 
being  is  involved  ni  the  subject  of  marriage. 

It  is  a  wonderful  additional  fact,  that  the  Lord  has 
chosen  in  the  Word  this  relationship  to  represent  the 
relationship  between  Him  and  the  Church,  or  between 
Him  and  us.  The  vast  significance  of  this  fact  in  de- 
fining the  character  of  marriage,  is  hut  little  appreci- 
ated among  us.  Our  general  subject,  therefore,  involves 
not  only  all  mankind  in  their  varied  inter-relations,  but 
includes  the  Lord  as  well,  and  the  ties  that  unite  Him 
to  His  people. 

The  doctrines  of  the  New  Church  give  us  an  elabo- 
rate, complete,  rational,  and  satisfactory  presentation  of 
this  momentous  subject  in  all  its  varied  bearings.  They 
teach  us  its  nature  externally  and  internally,  naturally 
and  spiritually,  among  men,  and  between  men  and  the 
Lord.  They  present  the  principles  which  should  char- 
acterize it  as  a  practical  institution  among  those  now 
on  the  earth,  and  also  reveal  to  us  its  lofty  spiritual 
aspects  among  the  angels  of  heaven. 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  7 

In  a  subject  so  extensive,  it  is  necessary  at  the  very 
start  that  we  should  define  accurately  what  phase  of  it 
we  purpose  to  consider.  On  the  present  occasion  I 
ask  you  to  consider  some  of  the  practical  and  ordi- 
nary features  of  this  relation.  I  do  not  purpose  to 
enter  into  any  of  the  intricacies  of  the  analysis  of 
mental  or  spiritual  affinities  involved  in  the  interior 
aspects  of  marriage,  but  rather  I  ask  you  to  consider 
with  me  the  simple,  practical  problems  of  marriage  as 
they  come  before  us  each  day  of  our  lives.  1  wish 
to  present  some  of  the  doctrines  of  the  New  Church 
in  their  most  direct  bearings  upon  our  immediate  con- 
duct. 

In  treating  (jf  the  "  Popular  Misconceptions  Con- 
cerning tiie  Nature  of  Marriage,"  1  have  not  sought  a 
passage  from  the  Word,  if  indeed  it  were  possible  to  find 
one,  which  should  specifically  describe  what  1  mean  by 
"  popular  misconceptions."  Hut  1  have  chosen  a  pas- 
sage which,  in  its  spiritual  import,  describes  the  essen- 
tial princi|)le  from  which  these  misapi)rehensions 
spring.  "  If  ye  love  them  which  love  you,"  we  read, 
which  means  s|)iritually.  If  ye  enter  into  any  relation 
in  life  for  the  selfish  rewards  which  it  brings  you, 
"what  thank  have  ye  ?"  that  is,  What  possible  s|)irit- 
ual  result  can  you  obtain  from  such  a  course  ?  -And 
this  (|uestion  is  not  really  a  (piestion,  but  is  a  form  of 
the  most  positive  affirmation   that  no  good   result  can 


8  FIl'E  SKRMOXS  OX  MA RRIA GE. 

follow;  "  for  sinners  love  also  those  who  love  them," 
which  means  that  from  evil  impulses  and  selfish  in- 
stincts we  can  pursue  such  a  course;  "and  if  ye  do 
good  lo  them  which  do  good  to  you,  what  thank  have 
ye  ?  for  sinners  also  do  even  the  same,"  teaches  the 
same  doctrine,  namely,  that  any  relation  of  life,  how- 
ever good  and  beautiful  it  may  appear  on  the  outside, 
if  it  be  sought  for  its  selfish  results,  possesses  no  spirit- 
ual value,  for  even  those  who  are  impelled  by  the  influ- 
ence of  hell,  v/ill  for  such   results  enter  it. 

The  essence  of  the  popular  misconceptions  concern- 
ing the  nature  of  marriage,  is  in  the  idea  that  it  is  a 
relation  of  mutual,  selfish  services,  and  that  from 
thence  is  derived  its  satisfaction  and  its  desirable- 
ness. You  love  me  and  1  will  love  you;  you  serve  me 
and  I  will  serve  you;  you  praise  me  and  I  will  praise 
you;  you  be  wholly  devoted  to  me  and  I  will  be  en- 
tirely devoted  to  you;  you  give  yourself  up  to  mak- 
ing me  happy  and  1  will  make  it  the  object  of  my  life 
to  serve  your  comfort.  These  utterances  represent 
■what  is  popularly  considered  the  mutuality  of  mar- 
jrlage,  being  in  fact  only  what  is  spiritually  represented 
in  the  passage  before  us.  "If  ye  love  them  which 
love  you,"  that  is,  because  they  love  you,  "  what  thank 
have  ye  ?"  that  is,  there  is  no  spiritual  value  to  such 
a  course. 

The  New  Church  teaches  us  that   no  true  marriage 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  9 

•can  exist  except  among*  those  who  love  the  Lord  and 
are  being  prepared  for  heaven.  Marriage  in  order  to 
be  heavenly  must  be  essentially  unselfish.  Not  un- 
selfish in  the  merely  external  form  of  serving  another 
who  is  to  serve  you  in  return;  but  unselfish  in  the 
essence  of  its  aims  and  purposes.  What  that  unselfish- 
ness is,  I  purpose  to  consider  in  our  next  discourse. 
At  present  I  will  attempt  to  show  some-of  the  ways 
in  which  marriage  is  popnlarly  regarded,  that  make  it 
to  consist  of  mutual  selfish  inter-relations  such  as  are 
condemned  in  the  passage  before  us.  In  what  way, 
we  may  ask,  is  this  subject  popularly  considered  that 
shows  that  in  this  respect  it  is  misapprehended  and 
regarded  simply  as  a  relation  of  mutual  selfish  service  ? 
I.  The  first  misapprehension  concerning  the  nature 
of  marriage  is  evinced  by  the  nearly  universal  idea 
that  personal  hapi)iness  is  tlie  supreme  entl  for  which 
this  relation  slunUd  be  entered  into.  'J'he  most  com- 
mon expression  of  good-will  which  wc  extend  t(j  our 
newly-married  friends,  is  that  they  may  be  hap[)y. 
The  ideal  marriage  in  popular  esteem  seems  to  be  one 
in  which  there  shall  be  no  conllic.l  in  liie  wills  of  the 
partners,  and  a  smoothly  running  life  of  mutual  per- 
sonal services  which  shall  result  in  a  common  content- 
ment, satisfaction,  personal  happiness,  and  enjoyment 
in  this  relation.  Is  this  a  happy  marriage,  we  ask,  in 
reference  to  any  instance  in  which  we  are  concerned. 


10  FIVE  SERMO.XS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

The  i(.leal  wife  seems  to  be  the  one  who  shall  most  suc- 
ceed in  making  her  husband  enjoy  himself  at  home, 
and  the  model  husband  in  popular  esteem  is  he  who  by 
his  thoughtful  attentions  and  considerate  service  shall 
most  successfully  minister  to  the  tastes  and  dispositions 
of  the  wife.  Thus,  in  a  word,  the  very  central  idea  of 
marriage  as  popularly  regarded  is  simply  happiness — 
personal,  selfish  happiness. 

Let  no  one  understand  me  as  implying  that  married 
partners  should  not  be  happy  in  this  most  important  of 
relations.  Marriage  should  rightly  be  the  happiest  re- 
lation on  earth,  as  it  is  the  most  blessed  relation  in 
heaven.  But  that  happiness  should  be  an  incident  arid 
not  the  direct  selfish  aim  of  marriage.  We  should  be 
happy  cf  course  in  all  relationships — the  merchant 
should  be  happy  in  his  counting  room,  the  lawyer  in 
his  office  and  the  mechanic  at  his  bench — and  yet, 
when  we  hear  of  the  establishment  of  a  new  law  firm, 
we  do  not  ask  whether  they  are  happy  in  their  new  en- 
terprise, but  we  inquire  after  their  success.  We  ask 
concerning  the  extent  of  their  business  and  the  ability 
they  exhibit  in  its  management.  We  inquire  in  refer- 
ence to  the  merchant,  concerning  the  extent  of  his  cus- 
tom, the  satisfaction  he  is  giving  his  patrons,  and  the 
success  of  his  business  management.  Even  in  the  rela- 
tion of  parent  and  child,  the  main  cpiestion  before  us  is 
not  whether  they  are  happy  in  each  other's  society — 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  11 

whether  the  parent  likes  to  have  the  child  with  him 
and  the  child  enjoys  being  with  his  father  and  mother. 
But  we  ask  concerning  the  methods  the  parent  is  pur- 
suing in  rearing  his  child,  whether  he  is  giving  him  a 
proper  education,  whether  he  is  teaching  him  self-con- 
trol, and  is  wisely  preparing  him  for  the  coming  duties 
of  life.  In  a  word,  every  relation  in  life  has  its  mis- 
sion in  the  world.  It  has  some  use  which  it  has  been 
appointed  to  accomplish.  The  doing  of  that  use,  the 
attainment  of  that  heavenly  end  for  which  the  relation 
or  the  duty  has  been  appointed,  determines  its  true 
success. 

Marriage  is  no  excej^tion  to  this  law.  It  has  an 
object  to  attain  on  earili.  It  has  a  great  mission  to 
perform  in  the  world.  The  end  of  marriage  vastly 
transcends  in  importance  that  of  any  other  human  rela- 
tion. The  present  personal  comf(Mt  and  happiness  of 
those  that  enter  into  it,  are  among  tiie  least  oi  its  pur- 
poses. Their  happiness  is  only  an  incident  to  the 
vastly  greater  aims  that  lie  before  it.  How  great, 
then,  is  this  misconception  which  places  perscmal  hap- 
piness before  us  as  the  criterion,  the  great  end  for 
whicii  the  Lord  has  (•stal)lislied  this  divine  rclalion  on 
earth!  It  is  a  sad,  a  most  deplorai)le  mistake.  It 
makes  marriage  a  mere  selfish  e.xchange  of  so  much 
love,  thoughtfulness,  and  attention  f(^r  an  ecjuivalent 
in  devotion,  faithful   service,  and  affecti(jn. 


12  FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

So  far  is  personal  happiness  from  being  the  ideal  aim 
of  marriage,  or  of  any  other  relation  in  life,  that  it  is 
not  impossible  for  a  relation  of  this  kind  to  be  very 
happy  and  satisfactory  with  the  parties,  when,  if 
tested  by  any  true  conception  of  the  nature  of  mar- 
riage, it  is  an  utter  failure.  A  lazy  scholar  in  school 
may  be  very  happy  and  contented  in  an  institution 
where  he  is  not  compelled  to  study,  but  is  allowed  to 
give  himself  up  to  his  indolent  tendencies.  Yet  his 
happiness  would  be  no  evidence  of  the  excellency  of 
the  school.  So  it  is  very  possible  for  married  partners 
in  a  smoothly  running  career  of  devotion  to  each 
other's  selfish  gratifications,  to  be  very  contented  and 
happy  when  their  marriage  is  spiritually  a  failure.  A 
soldier  might  be  happy  remaining  in  camp,  when  he 
ought  to  be  at  his  post  in  the  field.  His  happiness 
does  not  prove  him  a  good  soldier;  nor  does  the  con- 
tentment of  an  easy-going  housewife  show  that  she 
is  efificient  in  the  performance  of  her  duties.  In  like 
manner  in  marriage,  happiness  is  by  no  means  a  sure 
evidence  that  it  is  true  and  right.  A  selfish  couple  of 
similar  tastes  and  dispositicms,  especially  if  they  have 
wealth  at  their  command,  may  very  contentedly  conse- 
crate themselves  to  the  gratification  of  their  mutual 
refinements  in  taste  and  culture,  yet  be  living  in  a 
marriage  that  is  spiritually  a  disastrous  failure.  Mar- 
riage is  no  more  truly  good  because  it  is  happy,  than  a 


FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE.  13 

lawyer  is  truly  good  in  his  profession  because  he  is 
happy;  or  a  physician  is  true  and  good  in  his  profes- 
sion because  he  is  happy. 

That  I  may  not  be  misunderstood,  I  will  remind  you 
that  1  am  now  speaking  of  a  merely  personal  satisfac- 
tion and  happiness  regarded  separately  from  its  quality 
and  its  source.  Happiness  pure,  deep,  and  beautiful, 
though  unsought,  shall  in  the  end  surely  belong  to 
all  true  marriages. 

2.  Another  misconception  concerning  marriage  may 
be  found  in  the  prevalent  ideas  about  what  constitutes 
a  true  devotion  in  this  relation.  The  devoted  wife  is 
often  presented  before  us  as  a  being  who  rivals  a  faith- 
ful servant  in  the  care  and  attention  she  gives  to  her 
husband's  every  personal  want,  and  often  to  his  every 
personal  whim.  The  devoted  husband  is  often  pic- 
tured as  a  man  who  is  most  thoughtfully  considerate  of 
every  matter  of-  taste  and  notion  of  liis  wife.  F-ach 
seems  to  be  regarded  as  most  devoted  when  he  most 
successfully  ministers  to  the  other's  personal  or  self- 
ish desires.  Hut  such  devotion  may  be  supremely  dis- 
astrous in  accomplishing  the  true  purposes  of  mar- 
riage, X(j  service  of  husband  to  wife  or  of  wife  to 
husband  can  be  true  which  cultivates  tlie  selfishness  of 
the  other.  .Many  a  wife  has  expended  iier  slrengtl-' 
in  serving  her  husband  in  a  way  she  regarded  as  faith- 
ful   and  devoted,   when   by  her  service  she  was  culti- 


14  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

vating  in  him  thoughtlessness  concerning  the  rights  of 
others,  a  supreme  regard  for  his  own  comfort,  and  an 
imperious  and  arbitrary  will  ready  to  sacrifice  others 
for  himself.  Faithful  such  services  of  a  wife  have 
been,  but  her  fidelity  has  been  spiritual  cruelty  to  her 
husband.  It  is  no  kindness  to  any  one  to  make  him 
selfish,  however  sweet  the  path  that  leads  to  it.  De- 
voted such  a  wife  may  have  been,  but  her  devotion 
was  to  her  husband's  spiritual  ruin. 

And  many  a  husband  has  been  so  devoted,  as  he 
regarded  devotion,  to  every  whim,  fancy,  and  notion 
of  his  wife,  as  to  cultivate  in  her  a  disposition  su- 
premely selfish.  No  devotion  between  married  part 
ners,  however  faithful,  is  a  true  devotion  which  culti- 
vates in  each  other  an  inconsiderateness  for  the  world 
in  general.  No  truly  devoted  wife  will  consecrate  her- 
self to  cultivate  w^hat  is  not  true  in  her  husband. 
Many  of  the  popular  ideas  of  devotion  between  mar- 
ried partners  represent  it  as  a  quality  which,  if  practi- 
cally earned  out  in  life,  w'ould  shut  off  the  light  of 
heaven  and  i)rei)are  them  for  spiritual  destruction. 
Married  partners  have  no  more  right  to  encourage 
each  other  in  selfishness  than  the  unmarried  have  a 
right  to  be  selfish  and  thoughtless.  "If  ye  love  them 
which  love  you,  what  thank  have  ye  ?  for  sinners  also 
love  those  who  love  them."  And  thus  if  married  part- 
Hers  are  devoted  to  each  other  as  a  matter  of  mutual 


FIVE  SEhMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  15 

selfish  exchange,  or  if  they  are  so  devoted,  either  to 
the  service  of  what  is  selfish  in  the  other,  what  thank 
have  they;  that  is,  what  is  their  spiritual  reward  ?  It 
is  nothing,  or  worse  than  nothing,  for  such  a  devotion 
is  the  offspring  of  vanity  and  selfishness,  "  for  sinners 
love  those  who  love  them."  What  kind  of  devotion  is 
that  in  a  friend  which  is  so  sensitive  to  hurting  his 
companion's  feelings  that  he  whispers  in  his  ear  only 
words  of  flattery  and  approval,  whereby  the  wholesome 
truths  he  ought  to  know  are  kept  back  from  him,  and 
by  this  practical  deception  he  is  led  to  confirm  himself 
in  evils  he  should  have  avoided!  What  kind  of  devo- 
tion is  that  in  a  physician  who  is  so  sensitive  to  his  pa- 
tient's feelings,  that  he  does  not  tell  him  how  badly  off 
he  really  is,  or  prescribe  the  disagreeable  remedies  that 
may  be  necessary  for  his  recovery!  And  in  like  manner, 
•what  devotion  is  that  in  a  husband  or  in  a  wife  which 
leads  each  to  cover  up  all  things  in  the  otlicr  that  are 
inconsiderate  or  inconsistent,  devoting  themselves  t(j 
mutual  confirmation  in  self-esteem  I  Such  devotion  is 
false  and  is  disastrous  to  the  attainment  of  any  truly 
spiritual   marriage. 

In  what  1  have  said  concerning  this  false  devotion,  J 
wish  it  to  be  very  distinctly  understood  that  1  have 
nothing  to  say  against  a  most  devoted  ihnii^Oiifulness 
and  attention  in  a  myriad  of  mutual  services  in  marrieil 
life       Nor   would    1    advocate    making    married    life    a 


16  FIVE  SEKMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

school  for  mutual  criticism  and  guidance.  Bui:  I  wish 
most  earnestly  to  present  this  great  truth,  that  any 
devotion  however  delightful  between  husband  and  wife 
that  makes  their  life  a  selfish  life,  is  false  and  should 
be    heartily  condemned  by  us  all. 

3.  A  third  misapprehension  concerning  marriage, 
which  exists  especially  among  the  young,  springs  from 
the  unhealthy  sentiment  in  which  the  whole  subject  is 
popularly  involved.  Krom  our  earliest  childhood,  in 
the  methods  in  which  the  subject  is  represented  m 
absurd  romances  and  in  extravagant  love-songs,  an 
insane  sentiment  is  cultivated.  It  is  a  very  popular 
conception  of  the  love  which  should  lead  to  marriage, 
that  it  should  be  a  sort  of  an  impulsive,  blind,  unnat- 
tural,  and  uncontrollable  passion,  whose  integrity  is 
impugned  by  the  supposition  that  it  is  capable  of  rea- 
soning. The  marriage  relation  is  the  very  central,, 
common,  and  orderly  one  of  society.  There  should  be 
the  same  common-sense  thought  about  it  that  we  enter- 
tain concerning  any  other  relation  in  life.  We  should 
not  be  moved  by  essentially  different  feelings  when 
thinking  of  it,  or  discussing  it,  than  we  are  moved  by 
when  we  are  considering  any  other  relation  of  life,  as- 
when  we  are  discussing  concerning  parents  and  chil- 
dren, brothers  and  sisters,  or  even  business  partners. 
1  say  essentially  different;  of  course  there  is  a  differ- 
ence as  each   relation  is  peculiar  to  itself,  and  that  of 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  17 

marriage  is  the  most  important  and  the  most  interior  of 
all.  But  not  less  than  the  others  does  it  need  wisdom, 
judgment,  thought,  common  sense.  Love  is  not  made 
pure  by  being  impulsive,  it  is  not  made  truly  greater 
for  being  made  self  assertive  and  uncompromising  in 
its  demands.  It  is  not  to  be  regarded  as  any  more 
wonderful  and  grand  by  being  incapable  of  calm 
thought,  of  wise  judgment,  of  consistent  self-control. 
So  far  from  this,  love  that  is  insanely  self-assertive, 
that  demands  the  gratification  of  its  own  natural  im- 
pulses irrespective  of  their  reasonableness,  should  be 
looked  upon  with  suspicion.  Edwin  Arnold  makes  his 
noble  Saddarlha  with  an  interior  wisdom  say: 
"Love  for  the  selfish  sweets  of  love  is  false;"' 
and  no  love  for  another  is  true  and  heavenly  which 
simply  insists  upcm  its  own  gratification,  even  when 
that  gratification  ajjpears  to  consist  in  externally  serving 
that  other.  What  a  misconception,  then,  we  have  here 
of  that  true  love  which  should  culminate  in  marriage. 
For  popularly  it  seems  to  be  understood  thai  bliiul, 
selfish,  unbalanced,  uncalculating,  and  unconirollable 
passion  is  true  love.  It  is  a  sad  mistake,  antl  has  led 
to  many  a  disastrous  marriage.  The  whole  subject  of 
marriage  should  be  talked  about,  thought  about,  care- 
fully studied,  and  understood,  and  should  stand  in 
clear,  definite,  and  healthy  form  Ijcfore  the  mind  of 
every  one,  especially  if  any  one  is  in  a  state  to  enlt  r 


18  FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARK /AGE. 

such  relationship.  All  sickly  and  unbalanced  senti- 
ments on  this  subject,  and  all  stilted  and  inflated  no- 
tions concerning  the  nature  of  a  true  love,  which  repre- 
sent it  as  being  the  supremest  selfish  devotion,  leading 
to  mutual  idolatry,  are  dangerous  elements  in  any  one's 
character,  that  may  lead  to  spiritual  disaster.  No 
wonder  the  idea  i)revails  that  love  after  marriage  grows 
cold  and  indifferent.  Such  an  infatuated  love  as  these 
sentiments  and  notions  encourage,  ought  to  be  exter- 
minated before  marriage. 

Instead  of  any  of  these  things  being  a  correct 
presentation  of  genuine  l(;ve,  no  love  is  true  which 
loses  its  head.  And  even  when  it  is  true,  the  lover's 
love  should  be  regarded  as  only  the  beginning,  the 
mere  child,  which  shall  grow  and  develop  until  it 
attain  unto  true  strength  and  maturity  of  love  after 
marriage. 

I  have  alluded  to  only  three  of  the  many  miscon- 
ceptions that  popularly  prevail  concerning  marriage. 
They  are  mistaken  ideas  we  entertain  about  personal 
happiness  as  the  end  to  be  sought,  a  selfish  devotion 
as  the  fidelity  to  be  attained,  and  the  unbalanced  sen- 
timent as  the  love  that  should  lead  to  it.  There  are 
many  other  forms  of  misconception  that  might  be 
alluded  to,  but  these  three  in  some  way  include  them 
all-  for  every  one  refers  itself  back  to  this  selfish  prin- 
ciple  of   mutuality  which   is   condemned   in   the  words 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  19 

of  the  Lord  before  us:  "  If  ye  love  them  which  love 
you,  what  thank  have  ye  ?  for  sinners  also  love  those 
who  love  them.  And  if  ye  do  good  to  them  which  do 
good  to  you,  what  thank  have  ye  ?  for  sinners  also 
do  even  the  same." 


20  FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE. 


II. 


THE    TRUE    MARRIAGE. 

"  And  they  twain  shall  be  one  flesh.  Wherefore  they  are  no  more  twain, 
but  one  flesh.  What  therefore  God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  man  put 
asunder."— Matt.  xix.  5,  6  ;  Mark  x.  8,  9 ;  Gen.  ii.  24. 

This  passage  from  the  Word  of  the  Lord  presents 
to  us,  when  understood  in  its  spiritual  import,  a  pic- 
ture of  a  true,  heavenly  marriage.  When  the  married 
partners  are  truly,  really,  internally,  and  fully  "one 
fiesh,"  then  there  is  a  true  marriage  in  the  highest  and 
purest  sense  of  that  word.  What  is  meant,  then,  by 
this  being  "  one  flesh,"  which  constitutes  the  heavenly 
state  we  are  seeking  to  understand  ? 

There  are  a  multitude  of  respecis  in  which  there 
may  be  oneness  between  human  beings.  A  similarity 
of  tastes  often  forms  a  bond  of  intimate  association. 
Common  opinions  and  ideas  will  link  us  with  our  neigh- 
bors. Like  ambitions  and  aims  in  our  life  in  the  world 
will  unite  us  in  fraternal  association  with  others.  Simi- 
larity of  education  and  culture  forms  still  another  basis 
of  intimate  friendship,  ^^'e  may  even  form  ties  of  as- 
sociation  with  others  from   a  likeness   in    our  love  of 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  21 

comfort  and  of  ease.  Indeed,  self-love  seeks  friends, 
and  strengthens  the  bonds  of  intercourse  with  loved 
ones.  We  may  also  be  one  with  another  in  nobler  pur- 
poses of  life.  We  may  form  friendship  with  another 
from  the  mutual  interior  sympathies  of  a  common 
struggle  after  something  better,  truer,  and  higher  than 
anything  we  have  yet  attained;  and  even  the  inner 
aspirations  of  our  spirits,  the  consecration  we  some- 
times seek  whereby  we  may  attain  unto  a  Divine  life, 
may  be  the  bonds  that  unite  us  in  a  oneness  to  another. 
Every  quality  of  mind  or  of  heart,  of  thought,  of  affec- 
tion, of  sympathy,  taste,  desire,  of  sorrow  or  joy,  of 
passion  or  even  of  Divine  love,  may  be  the  basis  of  a 
oneness  with  another  who  may  be  moved  by  a  similar 
influence. 

What,  then,  we  may  ask,  is  that  union  which  should 
be  sought  in  marriage,  which  shall  constitute  the  one- 
ness of  flesh  which  the  L(jrd  here  says  shall  belong  to 
a  true  marriage  ? 

'I'herc  can  be  but  one  answer  to  this  question.  The 
oneness  of  true  marriage  must  be  the  union  of  tlic 
higher  and  purer  aspiratic^ns  of  the  man  and  the  wo- 
man, and  tile  exclusion  from  mutual  sympaliiy  of  what 
is  selfish  and  base.  Married  partners  shouiil  be  "  (;ne 
flesh"  in  their  struggles  to  jnit  away  self  and  tlie  world. 
They  should  be  one  in  their  mutual  efforts  tf)  attain  a 
higher   and    a   better   life.      They  should    be    united    as 


22  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

one  man  in  their  purpose  and  their  endeavor  to  keep 
the  Divine  Commandments.  In  a  word,  the  higher 
nature  of  the  husband  should  be  united  to  what  is 
highest  and  purest  in  his  wife,  and  what  is  noblest  in 
her  should  be  uniteil  .to  what  is  unselfish  in  him,  so 
that  the  better  portions  of  the  nature  of  each  shall  be- 
come "one  fiesh,"  shall  be  as  one  united  man  to  guide, 
control,  and  subdue  the  selfishness,  the  conceits,  and 
the  vanities  of  both.  There  is  a  possible  angel  and  a 
possible  demon  in  every  human  being,  and  the  true 
marriage  is  always  the  marriage  of  the  angels.  There 
are  in  the  breast  of  every  one,  as  it  were,  two  men, 
each  struggling  for  the  same  mastery  in  the  experiences 
of  life.  The  one  is  the  love  of  the  Lord  and  the  neigh- 
bor, and  the  other  is  the  love  of  self  and  the  world. 
True  marriage  is  the  union  of  what  is  heavenly  in  man 
with  what  is  heavenly  in  woman. 

True  marriage  is  defined,  then,  as  the  union  of  what 
is  best  in  the  man  and  the  woman,  that  they  may  be 
"one  flesh"  for  their  mutual  regeneration. 

This  definition  of  a  true  marriage  will  enable  us  to 
see  clearly  that  fundamental  principle  of  the  New- 
Church  doctrines  on  the  subject,  which  teaches  us  that 
only  those  who  are  being  regenerated  can  be  truly 
married.  This  blessed  union  from  its  very  nature  as 
placed  before  us  in  these  words,  spiritually  apprehended, 
cannot  exist  except  among  those  who  are  at  least  striv- 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  23 

ing  after  a  true  and  noble  life.  And  we  may  see  at 
once  also  the  truth  of  the  position,  emphasized  in  our 
last  discourse,  that  mutual  selfishness  is  utterly  foreign 
to  the  nature  of  this  sacred  relation.  To  the  extent 
that  husband  and  wife  are  united  in  cultivating  in  each 
other  the  pleasures  of  selfish  satisfactions,  the  marriage 
is  false,  however  delightful  it  may  be  to  their  sensuous 
affections.  But  to  the  extent  that  any  marriage  is  a 
union  of  what  is  spiritual  in  the  one  to  what  is  spiritual 
in  the  other,  to  that  extent  their  marriage  is  a  true 
one,  even  though  their  self-love  is  restrained  and  con- 
trolled, and  though  to  their  love  of  self-gratification 
their  marriage  may  at  times  seem  a  restraint  and  a 
burden. 

iJut  that  we  rrray  apprehend  tiiis  general  principle 
more  clearly,  let  us  consider  some  of  its  practical  i)ear- 
ings.  What  laws  in  actual  life  will  it  be  necessary  for 
us  to  understand,  that  we  may  realize  fully  the  meaning 
of  the  great  general  truth  laughl  b}-  this  passage  from 
the   Word  ? 

I.  It  will  be  necessary  for  us  always  to  regard  mar- 
riage as  an  institution  to  be  valued  and  to  be  entcreil 
into  f(jr  the  sake  of  usefulness.  ihc  blessings  that  are 
to  be  accomplished  in  the  world  and  in  the  purification 
of  character  by  marriage,  should  be  the  things  we  thinic 
of  and  the  things  we  value  when  the  subject  is  brought 
before  us.      Let  us  therefore  consider  more  specifically 


21  I-IVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

what  these  uses  are,  that  we  may  understand  practically 
and  clearly  what  the  true  marriage  is. 

Foremost  among  the  great  uses  which  pertain  to 
marriage,  as  recognized  in  the  New-Church,  is  the 
bearing  and  rearing  of  children  who  may  become  good 
men  and  women  in  this  world  and  angels  in  the  w'orld 
to  come.  Marriage,  the  New-Church  doctrines  teach 
us,  is  the  seminary  of  heaven;  and  the  creation  of  a 
home,  not  for  the  mere  purpose  of  the  comfort  and  en- 
joyment of  the  husband  and  wife,  but  as  a  centre  from 
whence  may  come  those  who  are  to  accomplish  the 
great  future  achievements  in  the  world's  history,  is 
perhaps  the  greatest  use  it  can  be  permitted  us  to  per- 
form on  earth.  In  alluding  to  this  use,  it  must  be  re- 
membered that  it  does  not  consist  merely  in  the  bearing 
of  children,  but  in  the  patience,  the  wisdom,  the  for- 
bearance, the  love,  and  the  earnest  labor  of  rearing 
them  for  heaven.  This  momentous  use  of  the  marriage 
relation  must  in  a  true  marriage  be  regarded  unself- 
ishly, as  a  use  to  be  performed  for  the  heavenly  results 
that  flow  from  it.  In  broaching  this  phase  of  the  true 
marriage,  1  have  touched  upon  an  immense  subject, 
but,  as  it  has  been  my  purpose  in  delivering  these  dis- 
courses to  treat  rather  of  ilie  mutual  inter-relations  of 
husband  and  wife,  than  of  any  other  department  of 
marriage,  1  will  not  further  dwell  upon  this  greatest  of 
its  uses. 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  25 

In  a  true  marriage,  then,  usefulness — true,  unselfish 
usefulness,  in  all  the  relations  of  life,  is  to  be  the  first 
thought.  And  the  great  use  of  marriage,  other  than 
that  1  have  just  mentioned,  is  that  husband  and  wife 
should  encourage  each  other's  spirits,  and  strengthen 
each  other's  hearts,  in  all  that  is  true  and  noble.  It 
should  be  the  aim  of  the  wife  to  do  everything  she  can 
to  uphold  her  husband  in  being  faithful  in  the  discharge 
of  his  professional  obligations.  She  is  to  give  him  hope 
in  despondency,  and  cheer  in  gloom,  and,  above  all,  she 
is  to  discourage  anything  that  is  not  supremely  right  in 
whatever  he  undertakes.  The  husband  has  correspond- 
ing duties  in  relation  to  the  wife,  helping  her  in  her 
efforts  to  be  a  true,  a  noble  woman.  A  true  marriage 
should  contemplate  supremely  this  mutually  sustaining 
each  other  in  all  that  is  good  and  true,  and  mutually 
discouraging  each  other  in  all  that  is  evil  and  false. 
It  is  to  be  a  partnership,  then,  not  for  selfish  ministra- 
tions, but  for  the  encouragement  of  what  is  unselfish 
and  beautiful  in  each  other.  'I'hc  influence  of  the  wife 
upon  the  husband  should  be  such  that,  when  in  his 
place  of  business  he  is  tempted  to  take  an  unfair  ad- 
vantage over  aniHlier,  he  will  be  strenglhcni-d  t<i  resist 
the  temptation  more  earnestly  when  he  thinks  of  her. 
A  wife  should  be  so  inlluenced  ijy  her  husband  that  in 
all  the  trials,  cares,  disciplines,  and  annoyances  that 
come    upiMi    her    in    her    perplexing   and    complicated 


26  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  .U.l A'AV.IGE. 

duties,  she  may  be  strengthened  in  self-contr()I,  and  be 
enabled  to  see  above  and  beyond  them  all  the  heavenly 
things  of  life,  when  she  thinks  of  him.  Thus  may  each 
help  the  other  in  being  true. 

Under  this  idea  of  mutual  spiritual  service  is  that 
help  which  each  may  render  the  other  in  his  efforts 
with  himself,  in  the  struggles  of  his  regenerate  experi- 
ence. This  is  the  highest  spiritual  use  of  marriage. 
As  each  is  endeavoring  to  overcome  what  is  evil  in 
himself,  the  influence  of  the  other  should  be  exerted  so 
as  to  enabje  him  to  succeed  in  that  great  effort.  As 
each  is  striving  to  be  moved  by  higher  motives  and  by 
purer  purposes,  so  should  the  other  cooperate  with 
that  aim  of  his  partner's  life.  In  a  true  marriage  the 
husband  aims  to  help  the  wife  to  shun  her  evils  as  sins, 
and  the  wife  st-rengthens  the  hands  of  her  husband  in 
shunning  his  evils  as  sins.  Thus  are  the  two  united, 
that  together  they  may  more  successfully  accomplish 
the  purposes  of  their  regeneration. 

In  speaking  of  these  great  mutual  uses,  I  am  very 
desirous  of  not  being  misunderstood.  It  is  not  the  re- 
lation in  any  respect  of  a  superior  to  an  inferior.  It 
is  not  that  the  wife  is  a  pure,  good  angel,  ami  her  hus- 
band an  abandoned  wretch  whom  she  is  to  recover.  It 
is  not  that  he  is  like  a  missionary,  undertaking  the 
great  labor  of  making  his  wife  over  again,  but  it  is  that 
mutual  support  which  each  gives  the  other  in  what  the 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE.  27 

Other  is  himself  trying  to  seek.  It  is  that  mutual  help 
which  the  husband  can  give  the  wife  and  the  wife  the 
husband,  in  upholding  each  other  in  all  that  is  true  and 
noble  in  life. 

2.  From  this  conception  of  the  true  marriage  we 
may  form  some  idea  of  the  nature  of  the  love  which 
shall  prevail  between  such  partners.  It  is  not  a  mere 
love  of  one  for  the  other  for  what  he  is,  but  it  is  a  love 
for  the  other  for  what  he  may  become.  Even  the  most 
loving  wife  ought  not  to  love  what  is  disagreeable  in 
her  husband.  F.ven  the  most  devoted  husband  is  not 
thereby  bound  t(j  regard  his  wife's  foibles  as  virtues. 
The  one  should  not  simply  love  the  person  of  the  other, 
without  reference  t(j  his  weaknesses  and  imperfections, 
but  it  is  a  mutual  love  of  common  heavenly  principles 
and  purposes,  a  mutual  recognition  of  the  character  of 
the  other  in  its  desire  t(;  attain  them,  and  muUial  ser- 
vices in  the  effort  to  realize  them  in  life.  In  a  true 
marriage  the  husband  and  wife,  each  seeing  the  possible 
nobility  (jf  character  in  the  other,  loves  that  and  with 
all  fidelity  of  effort  serves  that.  Facii  loves  the  (Other's 
purposes  and  aims;  each  sympathizes  with  the  other's 
efforts  ty  put  away  his  weaknesses  and  his  faults;  and 
each  seeks  to  give  the  other  courage  to  make  every 
effort  to  realize  in  actual  life  his  highest  aims. 

3.  I"  rom  these  definitions  of  what  constitutes  a  true 
marriage,  and  ui  what  the  love  of  such  a  marriage  is, 


28  FIVE  SEKMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

we  may  understand  the  nature  of  the  devotion  in  true 
marriage.  The  devotion  is  a  most  earnest  effort  to 
serve  the  purposes  which  the  marriage  contemplates. 
It  is  an  untiring  service  in  all  the  deeds  of  life,  that 
shall  aid  these  heavenly  ends.  Such  devotion  will 
manifest  itself  in  all  kinds  of  thoughtful  services,  but 
services  that  shall  have  constant  reference  to  the 
higher  ends  to  be  accomplished  in  them,  rather  than  t(j 
the  mere  personal  satisfaction  of  him  who  receives  or 
gives  them.  Here,  again,  that  1  may  not  be  misunder- 
stood, it  must  be  remembered  that  this  devotion  is  not 
patronizing  and  assuming  a  superior  tone  as  an  elder 
to  a  younger,  but  is  governed  by  an  instinctive  percep- 
tion, a  delicate,  spontaneous  recognition  of  what  kind 
of  services  shall  best  promote  the  grand  aim  of  their 
mutual  life. 

And  this  devotion  of  true  marriage  possesses  within 
it  a  phase  of  service  most  wonderful  in  its  delicacy 
and  refinement.  It  is  that  devotion  which  leads  each 
of  the  married  partners  to  do  better,  to  be  more  faith- 
ful in  his  own  individual  life,  for  the  sake  of  the  fidelity 
thereby  strengthened  in  the  other,  for  the  sake  of  the 
common  spiritual  integrity  in  their  married  life.  This 
devotion  leads  one  to  be  brave,  not  simply  because 
bravery  is  itself  lovely  and  desirable,  but  because  he  is 
thereby  strengthening  the  bravery  of  the  loved  one. 
This  devotion  leads  those  who  are  in  married  life  to  be 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  29 

noble  and  true,  not  only  for  the  sake  of  these  beautiful 
virtues,  but  that  they  may  serve  the  ideal  of  nobility 
and  truth  which  is  cherished  between  them,  and  which 
it  is  their  united  purpose  and  effort  to  attain.  'I'his  is 
the  devotion  which  enables  one  to  be  patient  for  the 
sake  of  the  other,  to  be  strong  for  the  sake  of  their 
mutual  strength,  to  be  wise  and  prudent  and  loving 
that  the  wisdom  and  prudence  and  love  which  it  is 
their  united  effort  to  attain  may  thereby  be  realized. 
Thus  the  devotion  in  a  true  marriage  is  one  that  in- 
volves their  service  of  each  other  and  their  government 
of  self,  whereby  the  exaltetl  aims  in  the  character  of 
each,  which  a  true  marriage  ever  contemplates,  may  be 
attained. 

If  we  compare  this  devotion  with  any  that  is  possible 
between  those  who  are  selfishly  married,  we  shall  fnul 
it  to  excel  that  in  every  respect.  In  lieight  and  depth, 
in  breath  and  grandeur,  there  can  be  no  comparison; 
for  how  can  the  petty,  personal  services  which  a  selfish 
love  renders,  that  it  may  receive  as  much  again,  be 
compared  with  this  pure  consecration  to  tlie  realizati«jn 
of  what  is  true  and  noble  in  life!  lUit  even  in  llu-  de- 
tails of  its  manifestations  such  devotion  will  rival  any 
that  is  selfish.  Kor  however  great  and  however  spirit- 
ual the  love  of  married  partners  may  be,  it  can  express 
itself  in  most  thoughtful  little  attentions  and  affection- 
ate personal  services,  not  being  excelled  even   m   them 


30  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

by  any  degree  of  devoted  selfishness.  But  into  these 
little  manifestations  it  brings  its  own  exalted  purposes, 
and  casts  about  these  trifling  acts  the  halo  of  its  own 
spiritual  purity. 

4.  I  have  spoken  of  the  true  marriage  thus  far  as 
though  it  were  characterized  merely  by  the  spiritual 
principles  I  have  enumerated.  But  marriage  might  be 
loved  for  its  usefulness,  the  husband  and  the  wife 
might  love  to  serve  each  other's  highest  spiritual  wel- 
fare, and  might  even  be  unselfishly  devoted  to  its 
attainment,  and  yet  not  be  able  to  realize  on  earth  the 
true  marriage,  on  account  of  the  lack  of  a  mutual 
adaptability  to  accomplish  these  high  purposes  for  each 
other's  character,  and  for  their  mutual  usefulness  in  the 
world.  There  is  a  mutuality  in  a  true  marriage,  a  com- 
plemental  relation  between  husband  and  wife,  whereby 
one  recognizes  in  the  other  at  once  a  want  to  which  he 
can  administer,  and  a  supply  which  he  needs.  A  wife 
should  behold  in  a  husband  a  strength  to  which  she 
would  cling,  and  a  weakness  which  she  can  make  strong. 
A  husband  should  see  in  his  wife  at  once  a  person  to 
whom  he  would  e.vtend  a  strong  arm  for  her  assistance, 
and  also  one  to  whom  he  can  look  for  a  renewal  of  his 
courage,  for  whose  service  he  is  suffering.  A  true 
marriage  is  supremely  equal.  It  is  not  the  relation  of 
a  parent  and  a  child,  but  of  the  two  rounded  halves  of 
one  whole  man.      Let  no  wife  regard   her  husband  as 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRL4GE.  31 

her  superior  being.  If  lie  is,  he  cannot  be  her  husband. 
Let  no  husband  regard  his  wife  as  an  angel  from 
heaven.  If  she  is,  what  right  has  he  to  marry  her  ? 
A  true  marriage  must  take  place  between  those  who 
are  in  similar  states  as  to  spiritual  purpose  and  life, 
who  are  similar  in  the  scope  of  their  intelligence  and 
love,  who  are  in  mutual  perception  of  each  other's  pur- 
poses and  efforts,  and  who  are,  as  nearly  as  possible, 
simply  the  male  and  the  female  forms  of  the  same  char- 
acter. Do  n(jt  imagine  that  in  a  true  marriage  this 
similarity  of  character  will  be  a  source  of  a  lack  of  in- 
terest from  a  lack  of  variety.  If  she  be  the  woman  of 
that  character  and  he  the  man,  they  will  have  just  the 
similarity  and  variety  necessary  for  the  greatest  mutual 
happiness  and  success.  This  relation  of  characters  as 
an  essential  condition  of  a  true  marriage,  is  that  which 
comes  about  in  the  operation  of  the  Divine  Providence. 
It  cann(jt  be  arranged  for  between  those  whose  natures 
have  not  already  fitted  them  for  it.  Thus  must  we 
have  the  material  from  which  true  marriages  may  come, 
before  tiiey  can  be  brought  about. 

Such  is  the  ideal  of  marriage  as  |)resented  in  the  doc- 
trines of  the  New  Church.  It  is  high,  it  is  nobh',  it  is 
heavenly,  it  is  Divine.  Jt  demantls  an  unselfishness 
which  shall  l)e  spiritual  and  i)ure.  It  necessitates  a 
love  only  for  wiiat  is  noble  and  true.  It  recpiires  a  de- 
votion  by  which   they  who  are   in   true   marriage  shall 


82  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

assist  each  other  in  their  journey  to  heaven  and  to  the 
Lord,  and  it  must  come  from  a  mutual  relation  of  char- 
acters that  shall  enable  them  to  join  their  lives  in  a 
mutual  equality.  What  we  should  do  for  the  attainment 
of  such  marriages,  I  shall  consider  in  our  next  dis- 
course; but  cannot  we  today  realize  that  in  such  an 
unselfish  love  and  devotion,  as  are  here  presented, those 
who  are  adapted  to  it  may  become  "one  flesh,"  and  the 
Lord's  words  may  be  spiritually  applied  to  them, 
"wherefore  they  are  no  more  twain,  but  one  flesh. 
What  therefore  God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  man 
put  asunder." 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  33 


III. 


WHAT    CAN     BE     DONE     1"C)     REALIZE    TRUE 
MARRIAGES    ON    EARTH. 

"Akd  these  words,  wliich  I  command  thee  this  day,  shall  be  in  thine 
heart.  And  thou  shall  teach  them  diliijently  to  thy  children,  and  shall  talk 
of  them  when  thou  sittest  in  thine  house,  and  when  thou  walkest  by  the 
way,  and  when  thou  liest  down,  and  when  thou  risesl  up.  And  tliou  shall 
bind  them  for  a  si(;n  ujiou  thiix-  hand,  and  they  shall  l)e  as  frontlets  between 
thine  eyes.  And  thou  shall  write  Iheni  upon  the  posts  of  thine  house,  and 
on  thy  gates,"— Deut.  vi.  o-y. 

What  a  true  marriage  is  was  the  subject  of  our  last 
discourse.  Today  we  are  to  consider  what  can  be 
done  to  realize  such  marriages  on  earth.  We  have 
before  us  the  practical  cjuestion  of  the  wlujle  subject. 
-Ml  that  we  have  said  is  of  no  avail,  unless  st)mething 
be  d(jne  whereby  the  great  truths  we  have  been  con- 
sidering may  be  carried  out  in  life,  \\hat  shall  we  do 
about  it,  is  the  great  (juesticjn  wliich  should  come  home 
to  every  heart.  To  recognize  the  |)<)|)ular  misconcep- 
tions on  tliis  subject  as  a  meie  maiur  of  criliial  loni- 
ment  on  the  states  of  the  W(jrld  at  the  present  lime  is 
nothing,  unless  an  effort  be  put  forth  to  correct  these 
misconceptions.  To  receive  into  our  intelligence  the 
lofty  ideal  of  marriage  which  is  presented   in  (nir  doc- 


S4  FIVE  SERM  )XS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

trines  is  nothing,  if  we  simply  hold  it  in  our  mind  as  a 
Utopian  theorj',  an  impracticable  idea  to  be  talked 
about,  and  to  be  entertained  as  a  pretty,  poetic  con- 
ception having  no  bearings  upon  the  daily  conduct  of 
our  lives.  The  whole  subject  is  most  intensely  practi- 
cal. It  is  not  only  of  immense  moment,  affecting  the 
welfare  and  happiness  of  all  humanity,  and  of  every 
individual,  but  it  comes  to  every  one  and  tells  him 
there  is  something  which  he  can  do  in  his  personal 
efforts  to  help  forward  the  realization  in  the  world  of 
such  true  ideas. 

The  passage  we  have  taken  for  our  text  in  a  marvel- 
lous way  suggests  what  is  to  be  done  for  the  realization 
of  this  great  blessing  in  the  world.  We  are  to  take 
"these  things  to  our  hearts,"  to  "teach  them  diligently 
to  our  children,"  to  have  them  ever  with  us  at  home 
and  abroad,  and  to  observe  them  in  every  walk  of  life. 
For  this  constant  recognition  of  them  is  what  is  meant 
by  the  words,  "Thou  shalt  talk  of  them  when  thou 
sittest  in  thine  house,  and  when  thou  walkest  by  the 
way,  and  when  thou  liest  down,  and  when  thou  risest 
up."  'l"he  question  then  is  simply.  How  should  the 
law  of  a  true  marriage  affect  the  various  phases  of  our 
life's  experience  ?  In  what  way  can  we  introduce  it 
into  all  that  we  do  .' 

The  duty  of  every  one  will  vary  according  to  his  own 
nersonal  relation  to  marria'.re.      T(;  the  unmarried  there 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  35 

is  one  duty,  and  to  those  who  have  entered  into  this 
relation  there  is  another,  to  each  according  to  the  cir- 
cumstances in  which  he  finds  himself.  Let  us  first 
consider,  then,  what  those  who  have  not  yet  entered 
into  this  relation  can  do  to  realize  such  marriages  on 
earth;  and  then  we  will  consider  what  belongs  to  us  all 
to  do  to  further  this  great  object. 

I.  The  first  great  duty  of  those  to  whom  marriage 
is  yet  to  come,  is  to  attain  a  clear,  distinct,  and  posi- 
tive conviction  on  the  subject.  They  should  look  it  in 
the  face.  They  must  have  a  clearly-cut  ideal  before 
them.  It  is  astonishing  how  loose  and  vague  are  the 
conceptions  of  this  most  transcendent  of  all  subjects, 
which  prevail  among  those  whose  whole  future  useful- 
ness and  happiness  in  the  world,  and  perhaps  in  eter- 
nity, shall  turn  ujjon  the  nature  of  that  union.  That 
you  should  marry  for  the  sake  of  happiness,  or  for  the 
selfish  satisfacticMis  that  come  from  it,  or  for  eligibility, 
or  even  for  love  ahjne — that  love  which  is  a  mere  self- 
ish exchange — are  common  iileas  that  must  be  laid 
aside  by  those  who  would  attain  true  marriage.  Those 
who  think  of  marriage  as  a  future  blessing  should  think 
of  it  as  opening  for  ihi-m  a  wider  field  of  usefulness,  as 
at  once  bringing  with  it  greater  obligations,  more  i)ress- 
ing  duties,  and  more  extended  o|)portunities  for  unself- 
ishness and  devoti(jn.  'J'he  unmarried  should  think  of 
marriage  as  a  relation   re(|uiring  greater  patience,  more 


36  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

long-continued  forbearance,  and  a  more  active  indus- 
try; and  as  bringing  with  it,  also,  a  broader  field  for 
the  culture  of  spiritual  blessedness.  In  seeking  to 
cherish  a  high  ideal,  such  persons  should  cherish  a 
high  ideal  of  )narria}:;L\  rather  than  an  ideal  of  the  tran- 
scendent nature  of  the  person  whom  they  hope  to  ob- 
tain. It  is  not  a  high  ideal  of  marriage  to  demand  a 
paragon  of  perfection  as  the  object  of  your  union.  The 
exaltation  of  the  ideal  is  that  the  relation  shall  be  un- 
selfish, and  that  he  whom  you  marry  shall  be  moved 
by  spiritual  purposes  like  your  own,  and  that  you  may 
both  be  actuated  by  a  common  motive  which  will  give 
mutual  support  in  all  that  is  right  and  true,  and  a 
mutual  discouragement  to  all  that  is  evil  and  false. 
The  ideal  of  marriage  which  each  entertains,  should 
have  in  it  the  idea  of  mutual  equality,  mutual  service, 
mutual  adaptability  and  mutual  unselfishness.  Thus 
in  a  word — and  this  is  a  point  in  which  those  who 
imagine  they  are  cherishing  a  high  ideal  are  apt  to  fail 
— we  should  all  hold  a  lofty  conception  of  the  unself- 
ishness, the  devotion,  and  the  heavenly  ends  to  be 
accomplished  in  marriage,  and  not  regard  our  doctrine 
of  marriage  as  high  because  we  demand  an  impossible 
piece  of  perfection  as  the  object  of  our  choice. 

2.  In  the  second  place,  I  say  to  all  such  persons: 
Having  obtained  a  high  idea  of  marriage,  be  true  to  it. 
All  the  lofty  conceptions  in  the  world  will  be  of  no  use 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  37 

unless  we  obe}'  them  in  life.  It  were  far  better  for  the 
world  that  only  one-half  of  the  marriages  should  take 
place  and  that  they  should  be  true,  than  that  every  one 
should  be  married  but  that  the  majority  of  such  unions 
should  be  selfish  or  ill-mated.  A  true  marriage  is  a 
centre  of  perennial  blessedness  to  humanity,  a  source 
of  purity,  of  honor,  of  virtue,  and  of  spirituality.  But 
a  false  marriage  is  surrounded  by  temptations  and  dan- 
gers, and  may  be  the  source  of  unnumbered  evils,  lie 
true,  then,  to  your  ideal  of  marriage,  preferring  to  live 
an  unmarried  life  of  fidelity  to  your  highest  convic- 
tions, than  to  compromise  yourself  by  entering  into 
any  questionable  relationship  of  this  kind. 

I>ut  we  prove  true  t(j  our  ideal  of  marriage,  not  sim- 
ply by  refusing  tcj  enter  into  one  which  does  not  ecpial 
it,  but  by  a  positive  life  of  self-contr(jl  and  of  useful- 
ness which  siiall  best  prepare  us  for  it,  and  which  shall 
render  us  m<jst  wortiiy  of  it.  \  young  woman  shoukl 
prove  faithful  t<j  her  conceptions  of  a  true  marriage, 
not  only  by  declining  what  would  n(jt  realize  it,  but  by 
now  leading  a  life  of  unselfishness,  devotion,  industry, 
and  a  consecration  to  the  high  spiritual  purposes  of  life 
which  are  to  be  subs'.-rve<l  in  the  true  marriage.  A 
young  man  should  prove  true  to  his  ideal  of  marriage 
by  so  living  as  to  make  himself  worthy  of  ii.  in  his 
self-control,  in  his  personal  jiurily,  in  the  irnr  risjiect 
which   he   should   ciierish   for  woman,  in    his   honorable 


38  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

treatment  of  all  women,  and  by  cherishing  the  ideal  of 
a  true  marriage  relation  in  distinction  from  any  com- 
promise, a  young  man  should  hold  himself  ready.  In- 
deed this  is  the  way  to  seek  it;  for  personal  worthiness 
is  a  far  more  sure  guarantee  of  a  true  marriage  than 
personal  industry  in  trying  to  bring  it  about.  Thus, 
in  a  simple  sentence,  we  may  say  that  for  the  realiza- 
tion of  the  true  marriages  on  earth,  the  marriageable 
are  to  seek  a  true  ideal,  and  then  prove  faithful  to  it. 
And  we  may  be  assured  that  he  who  thus  lives,  though 
he  may  not  attain  the  married  state  in  this  life,  shall 
by  such  a  life  of  integrity  to  his  ideal  in  the  world, 
contribute  to  the  realization  of  true  marriages  even  on 
earth.  You  cannot  help  the  cause  of  true  marriage  by 
entering  into  one  that  is  not  true;  but  every  man  or 
woman  who  does  not  allow  himself  to  enter  into  this 
relation  unless  it  be  a  true  one,  remaining  faithful  to 
his  ideal  in  his  daily  life  among  men,  whether  he  marry 
or  not,  shall  become  a  centre  of  useful  influence  for 
encouraging  and  preserving  true  marriages  on  earth. 
But  more  than  this.  In  their  own  regeneration  such 
persons  shall  by  such  a  life  attain  a  greater  height  of 
spiritual  purity  than  would  be  possible  under  any  mar- 
riage that  is  a  compromise.  Let  no  man  or  woman 
imagine  that  his  influence  in  the  world  in  behalf  of  a 
heavenly  marriage  will  be  strengthened,  or  that  his 
own   regeneration  will   be   furthered,   by   entering  into 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  39 

one  that  is  not  true.  Both  of  these  heavenly  purposes 
will  be  better  preserved  and  furthered  if  such  persons 
remain  unmarried,  but  cherish  in  their  lives  the  purity, 
the  devotion,  and  the  unselfishness  of  their  itleal,  and 
above  all,  shall  keep  faithful  to  the  true  life  of  mar- 
riage, in  all  that  they  do.  It  is  not  merely  the  being 
outwardly  married  that  contributes  to  the  heavenly 
ends  of  marriage,  but  it  is  carrying  out  the  purposes  of 
such  a  relation  in  one's  life  in  the  world.  And  this 
may  be  done  by  those  who  are  not  married;  not  so 
successfully,  perhaps,  as  if  they  were  truly  married, 
but  vastly  more  successfully  them  if  they  were  merely 
married.  The  external  fact  of  marriage,  even  where 
the  parties  in  it  arc  outwardly  contented  and  salisfietl, 
by  no  means  necessarily  opens  its  spiritual  beautirs  or 
uses.  The  unmarried,  if  they  prove  true  to  a  lofty 
ideal  of  this  union,  will  spiritually  attain  a  more  heav- 
enly fulness  (jf  experience  than  they  who  have  selfishly 
or  falsely  entered  into  this  relation.  How  foolish,  then, 
in  those  who  are  married,  to  imagine,  ])erhaps  even 
with  vanity,  that  they  have  necessarily  entered  more 
fully  into  the  spiritual  experiences  of  life,  because  out- 
wardly they  are  in  marriage. 

T,.  Hut  it  is  nf)t  with  the  marriageable  alone  that 
the  duty  of  seeking  to  have  such  marriages  realized 
remains.  Every  one  can  do  something,  and  with 
every   one  there   lies  an    obligation    of   acconiplishin;; 


40  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

what  he  can  for  the  attainment  of  so  desirable  an  end. 
With  parents  there  lies  the  responsibility  of  instilling 
right  ideas  into  the  minds  of  their  children.  \Vith 
teachers,  and  with  all  i:)ersons  who  are  in  a  position  to 
exercise  an  influence  over  the  young,  there  is  this  same 
serious  duty;  and  in  all  the  varied  relations  of  our 
lives,  by  the  w'ords  we  use  when  referring  to  the  sub- 
ject, by  the  positions  we  assume,  by  the  ideas  we  main- 
tain, and  even  by  the  respect  we  show  for  marriage, 
may  W'e  foster  a  proper  public  sentiment  on  the  sub- 
ject. Of  these  provinces  of  usefulness,  what  more 
promising  field  of  effort  could  we  have  than  that  of 
education;  and  what  department  of  possible  usefulness 
is  more  utterly  neglected!  Consider  how  we  begin. 
Even  in  many  of  the  little  games  of  childhood  there  is 
an  uninnocent  reference  to  marriage,  or  to  the  relation 
■of  the  sexes,  which  must  be  a  poor  prei)aration  for  a 
proper  comprehension  of  this  subject  in  after  years, 
and  for  a  genuine  respect  for  it.  In  the  total  lack  of 
instruction  in  which  we  permit  our  children  to  grow  up, 
receiving  their  only  education  on  some  of  the  most 
important  subjects  of  life  from  ignorant  and  foolish  if 
not  vicious  companions,  and  in  not  correcting  their 
consequent  false  notions,  by  which  they  are  led  blindly 
into  this  most  momentous  relation  of  life,  we  do  what 
we  can  to  further  false  marriages  in  the  world.  \\'e  i)ay 
more  attention  to  the  surface  culture  and  manners  of 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE.  41 

our  children  than  we  do  to  their  proper  comprehension 
of  marriage.  This  is  tithing  the  "mint  and  anise  and 
cummin"  of  Ufe,  but  "omitting  the  weightier  matters  of 
the  law,  judgment,  mercy,  and  faith."  These  ought  we 
to  do,  and  not  to  leave  the  other  undone.  Children 
should  be  reared  from  their  earliest  infancy  into  a  proper 
idea  of  the  relations  of  se.x.  We  should  cultivate  their 
lives  from  the  very  first  in  a  way  to  give  them  intelli- 
gence, wisdom,  judgment,  self-control,  and  a  high  and 
true  ideal  (jf  marriage.  We  sh(juld  carefully  instruct 
the  young  in  right  thoughts  and  right  lives.  Keep 
them  as  far  as  possible  from  improper  conversation 
with  their  mates.  Teach  the  girls  and  boys  how  t(j 
judge  correctly  of  each  other's  characters,  and  what  to 
admire  and  what  condemn.  Encourage  young  peo- 
ple to  make  you  their  confidant,  and  give  them  the 
benefit  of  yuur  very  highest  wisdom.  For  in  most 
earnest  instructi(jn  and  guidance,  may  we  be  prejiar- 
ing  them  for  true  future  marriages  which  shall  bring 
heaven  to  earth. 

Hut,  in  general,  in  our  ordinary  associations  with 
each  other,  we  do  ncjt  treat  the  subject  of  marriage 
with  true  dignity  and  respect,  it  seems  to  be  regarded 
by  many  people  as  a  proper  field  for  the  most  unseemly 
jesting,  and  there  is  no  j)hase  of  this  sacred  relation 
that  is  not  liable  to  be  the  subject  of  incongruous  wit- 
ticism.     I'lven  unlia|)i)y  marriages,  and  that  saddest  of 


42  FIVE  SEKMOXS  OX  M.IA'RIAGE, 

all  alternatives,  the  divorce,  are  often  regarded  as  ap- 
propriate topics  for  the  calling  forth  of  our  hilarity. 
It  may  seem,  at  first,  as  though  this  feature  of  our 
popular  habits  were  not  of  very  great  importance,  and 
were  hardly  worthy  of  being  mentioned  in  this  connec- 
tion;  but  this  custom  expresses  a  deep-seated  lack  of 
respect  for  the  relation  itself;  and  there  is  no  more  in- 
sidious enemy  of  marriage  possible  than  a  lack  of  re- 
spect iov  it.  A  true  marriage  should  command  our 
veneration.  It  is  the  supreme  blessing  our  Heavenly 
Father  has  rendered  possible  for  us,  and  it  should  stir 
the  deepest  emotions  of  the  human  heart;  it  should  re- 
ceive our  reverence,  and  should  inspire  our  heartfelt  de- 
votion and  service  for  the  maintenance  of  its  integrity. 
What  then  could  be  more  utterly  atrocious  than  to  have 
it  associated  in  our  minds,  or  find  expression  upon  our 
lips,  in  connection  with  anything  of  doubtful  purity,  or 
of  questionable  propriety!  It  behooves  all  of  us  not 
only  to  proclaim  in  every  possible  way  in  the  world  the 
true  doctrine  concerning  what  marriage  should  be,  but 
also  to  maintain  a  true  state  of  feeling  and  a  right 
method  of  conduct  in  reference  to  it.  We  should 
cherish  in  our  hearts  and  encourage  in  the  affections  of 
all  about  us  such  a  profound  respect  for  this  central 
pivot  of  our  individual  and  social  integrity,  that  no 
word  c(juld  ever,  even  inadvertently,  find  expression 
on  our  lips  which  shall  cast  a  sliadow  of  a  slur  upon   it. 


FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  43 

If  we  could  only  maintain  in  society  the  proper  state 
of  thought  and  affection  towartl  marriage,  we  should 
thereby  do  much  for  the  realization  of  true  marriages 
in  the  world. 

4.  Another  hindrance  to  the  realization  of  such 
marriages  on  earth  is  the  unhealthy  methods  of  asso- 
ciation between  the  sexes.  The  subjects  of  thought 
which  are  the  basis  of  conversation  between  men  and 
women,  and  especially  between  the  young,  should  be 
more  of  the  ordinary,  common-sense  affairs  of  life,  as 
well  as  the  more  serious  topics  that  concern  us.  Pleas- 
antry and  sentiment  are  all  well  in  proper  places  and  in 
proper  amounts,  but  like  cakes  and  confections,  among 
the  foods  for  our  bodies,  they  are  entirely  inappro- 
priate as  a  basis  f(jr  healthful  life.  1  apply  this  re- 
mark particularly  to  the  young,  and  it  has  been  one  of 
the  wonders  of  the  subjects  of  my  observation,  that 
parents  should  often  prefer  that  their  sons  and  daugh- 
ters should  be  educated  apart,  and  thus  that  boys  and 
girls  should  be  entirely  separated  in  tin;  ordinary  and 
healthful  affairs  of  life,  but  should  occasionally  be 
brought  together  under  the  glare  of  lamp  or  gaslight, 
dressed  in  garments  which  are  not  their  ordinary  cos- 
tume, to  converse  on  frivolous,  stilted,  anil  artificial 
topics.  Such  association  is  unhealthy  and  untrue,  be- 
getting an  entirely  upnatural  state  between  young  men 
and  young  women,  and  unfitting  them   for  the   e.xercise 


44  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

of  true  judgment  and  common-sense  on  the  subject  of 
marriage,  while  upon  their  correct  decision  on  this 
subject,  all  their  future  success  and  happiness  are  to 
depend.  Without  entering  upon  the  discussion  of  the 
question  of  the  wisdom  of  co-education  as  an  educa- 
tional system,  as  a  method  of  healthful  association  of 
boys  and  girls  it  is  invaluable.  That  young  people 
should  see  each  other  in  their  working  costumes,  and 
associate  in  the  ordinary  departments  of  their  life's 
efforts  and  culture,  is  the  best  preparation  we  can 
give  them  for  understanding  each  other  in  after  life. 
Indeed,  that  men  and  women  should  associate  as 
far  as  possible,  at  least  in  their  sympathies  and 
thoughts,  in  every  relation  of  their  several  lives,  is  a 
most  necessary  condition  for  the  realization  of  true 
marriages  on  earth. 

5.  Another  hindrance  to  the  realization  of  such 
marriages  is  the  insane  sr/i/i/iic/it  that  nearly  universally 
pervades  society  at  the  present  time,  'i'he  popular 
love  story  is  not  only  silly,  it  is  harmful.  It  is  not 
simply  absurd  as  an  expression  of  life,  it  develops  mor- 
bid conditions  of  mind  on  this  vastly  imi:)(jrtant  sub- 
ject. A  kind  of  sentimental,  mutual  adoration  is  the 
ideal  of  love  that  is  cultivated  in  the  drama,  and  in  the 
novel;  and  the  sickly  looking  maiden,  instead  of  the 
wife  of  a  true  marriage,  is  the  ideal  representative  of 
purity  in  the  popular  thought  on   this  subject.      If  we 


FIVE  SERMONS  O.V  MARRIAGE.  45 

would  realize  in  life  more  true  marriages,  we  must  do 
away  with  this  morbid  state  of  popular  thought  and 
feeling.  The  basis  of  all  true  love,  which  should  cul- 
minate in  marriage,  is  respect  —  good,  honest,  simple, 
and  healthful  respect.  Respect  for  the  principles  by 
which  the  loved  one  is  governed ;  respect  for  the 
honesty  of  effort  by  which  those  principles  are  carried 
on  in  life;  respect  for  each  other's  character  in  its 
intelligence  and  love;  respect  for  the  manhood  and 
the  womanh(jod  in  its  growth  ami  in  its  efforts  for 
the  spiritual  blessings  of  life — these  should  be  the 
foundations  upon  which  may  be  built  that  enduring 
love,  which  in  subsequent  married  life  shall  k-ad  its 
possessors  to  unselfishness,  to  purity,  to  regenera- 
tion. Let  this  be  the  thought  which  governs  in  so- 
ciety. Let  it  be  understood  by  ail  that  sterling 
qualities  of  character  are  what  should  initiate,  and 
afterwards  constitute,  the  basis  of  love,  and  true  mar- 
riages would  not  be  of  such  rare  occurrence  on  earth. 
In  alluding  to  this  false  sentiment,  it  is  appropriate 
for  us  tr)  remember  what  is  taught  in  our  doctrines, 
namely,  that  tiie  intelligence  has  as  inuc  li  tf)  do  with 
the  formation  of  a  Inu-  marriage  as  the  heart,  (lood 
judgment  is  as  necessary  as  strong  love  in  a  true  mar- 
riage. Uy  good  judgment  I  do  not  mean  a  caii  ulating 
selfishness,  nf)r  a  mere  worldly  wisdom  iii  providing  for 
the  material  c(jmforls  of  the  married  life,  but  judgment 


4K  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

of  character,  judgment  of  mutual  adaptability,  judgment 
of  motives  and  aims,  and  judgment  of  sympathy  and 
affection.  Wisdom  and  love  are  both  equally  neces- 
sary to  the  proper  existence  of  any  relation  ow  earth. 
Marriage  is  no  exception ,  and  if  we  woukl  have  mar- 
riages that  are  true,  we  must  avoid  unhealthy  senti- 
ments by  cultivating  a  clear,  intelligent,  wide-awake, 
and  exalted  wisdom  that  will  ever  purify  love  and  guide 
the  life.  Indeed,  to  realize  such  marriages  on  earth 
will  require  thoughtfulness  and  effort  in  every  depart- 
ment of  our  life's  experience.  The  passage  which  we 
have  before  us  becomes  literally  true.  The  lofty  ideas 
of  marriage  which  we  find  in  our  doctrines,  we  must 
"cherish  in  cur  hearts,"  by  loving  them  and  serving 
them.  We  must  "teach  them  diligently  unto  our  chil- 
dren," by  rearing  our  children  in  a  way  to  respect  and 
love  this  institution,  and  to  be  prepared  to  attain  unto 
ii.  \\'e  must  "talk  of  them  when  we  are  sitting  in  our 
houses,  when  we  are  walking  by  the  way,  when  we  lie 
down,  and  when  we  rise  up,"  by  thinking  of  the  true 
idea  of  marriage,  and  by  being  faithful  to  it,  whether 
in  success  or  failure,  in  triumj^h  or  defeat,  in  liappiness 
or  in  grief,  when  we  are  in  exalted  or  in  depressed 
states.  Such  teachings  are  as  "a  sign  upon  our  hand," 
wken  cur  life's  deeds  embody  them.  They  are  as 
"frontlets  between  our  eyes,"  when  this  Divine  law 
of  marriage  is  before  us  as  a  lofty  possibility  for  our 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE.  M 

attainment  and  for  our  guidance;  and  we  "write  them 
on  the  posts  of  our  house  and  on  our  gates,"  by  having 
their  influence  always  with  us  in  all  the  public  and 
private  duties  of  life.  For  there  is  no  relation  in  life 
in  which  in  some  phase  of  affection,  or  thought,  or  in- 
fluence, marriage  does  not  enter.  Let  us  ail  strive  then, 
each  contributing  his  little  mite,  for  the  realization  of 
these  blessed  unions  on  earth.  We  must  attain  our  ideal 
and  i^rove  true  to  it.  ^\'e  must  rear  our  children  in  the 
respect,  the  love,  and  the  knowledge  of  it.  \\'e  must 
maintain  in  all  the  walks  of  our  lives  that  dignified 
respect  for  marriage  which  shall  rebuke  the  disgraceful 
position  which  popularly  it  holds,  ^\'e  must  seek  to 
cultivalc  that  true  ass(jciation  between  men  and  women 
which  shall  result  in  the  exaltation  of  this  sacred  rela- 
tion in  their  thoughts  and  lives,  and  we  must  crush  out 
the  sickly  sentimentality  wliicli  destroys  the  judgment 
and  the  intelligence  of  man  on  this  sul)ject.  'I'luis  by  all 
these  means  may  such  marriages  be  realized  on  earth. 
And  who  can  estimate  the  Divine  blessings  which 
shall  descend  upon  us  when  these  are  realized!  The 
great  social  problems  that  have  |)er|)le.\ed  huin.aiiity 
shall  be  solved;  self-love  and  iniciuity  shall  liavi-  nu'l 
their  deadliest  foe;  integrity,  charity,  and  purity  shall 
become  enthroned  in  the  hearts  of  men;  and  the  king- 
dom of  the  Lord  shall  descend  to  the  earth.  I'or  where 
true   marriage   is,  there   too   is   heaven. 


48  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 


IV. 


UNHAPPY  MARRIAGES. 

'•  Commit  thy  way  unto  the  Lord;  trust  al.'<(j  in  Ilim;  and  lie  shall  bring  it 
to  pass."— Ps.  xxxvii.  5. 

Our  subject  for  today  is  "Unhappy  Marriages." 
I  have  used  the  word  "unhappy"  rather  in  deference 
to  popular  custom,  than  with  the  feeling  that  it  ex- 
presses in  any  comprehensive  way  what  1  wish  to  speak 
of.  I  do  not  refer  by  this  word,  especially,  to  those 
heart-rending  instances,  which  at  times  comes  before 
us,  of  cruel  husbands,  or  heartless  wives,  whose  un- 
happiness  and  incongruity  seem  to  thrust  themselves 
upon  the  attention  of  all  who  know  them;  but  I  mean 
simply,  in  addition  to  these  extreme  cases,  imperfect 
marriages.  Marriages  in  which  there  are  differences 
and  misunderstandings,  in  which  there  are  disappoint- 
ments and  disagreements,  and,  in  general,  in  which 
there  is  a  falling  short  of  the  ide.d  each  sets  before 
himself,  and  which  are  hence  unsatisfactory,  are  the 
subject  for  our  consideration. 

Nor  am  I  treating  of  those  who  may  falsely  imagine 
themselves    unfortunately    married.      They   who    enter 


FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE.  49 

into  this  union  with  exaggerated  or  inflatetl  notions  of 
the  supreme  selfish  devotion  and  satisfaction  which  are 
to  be  always  their  lot,  and  who  are  disappointed  be- 
cause they  cannot  be  always  perfectly  happy  in  a  self- 
ish way  in  their  married  life,  are  not  the  ones  of  wlioin 
I  treat.  Such  persons  ought  to  be  disappointed.  They 
should  be  brought  into  a  state  in  which  they  could 
learn  what  true  marriage  is.  But  it  is  of  marriage 
which  seems  to  be  imperfect  spiritually  that  1  wish  to 
speak,  where  there  seems  to  be  a  difference  in  govern- 
ing principles,  where  husband  and  wife  disagree  as  to 
the  purposes,  motives,  and  methods  of  their  lives,  as 
well  as  suffer  fr<jm  neglect  and  ill-treatment.  What 
shall  be  done  in  these  real  instances  of  im])crfect  mar- 
riages ? 

'I'he  cjuestions  which  suggest  themselves  in  connec- 
tion with  this  subject  are  serious  and  practical.  In 
many  a  sad  instance  they  involve  the  most  momentous 
problems  of  li/e.  They  are  (juestions  that  in  some 
form  or  other  are  liable  to  ccmcern  all  of  us.  l-or 
those  who  are  not  themselves  involved  in  such  a  unii)ii, 
there  is  the  (|uestion  as  lo  what  jx^sition  lliey  sliouhl 
take  in  speaking  of  it.  lor  those  others  wiiosi,-  friends 
are  in  such  a  grievous  strait,  there  is  the  very  momen- 
tous question  as  to  what  they  shall  advise,  or  how  hcli\ 
or  in  what  way  they  can  tndy  and  rightly  symitatiii/.,- 
with   these   friends.      .\nd    llien  with    the   married,  into 


50  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

whose  united  life  clouds  have  come,  are  the  questions 
as  to  what  shall  be  done  to  relieve  their  misery,  to  re- 
move these  clouds,  or  at  least  to  do  what  the  laws  of 
truth  and  righteousness  require  at  their  hands.  These 
questions,  indeed,  are  very  far  reaching,  and  are  among 
the  most  serious  and  difficult  of  answer  in  the  compli- 
cated interests  they  involve,  that  can  come  before  us. 
Before  entering  upon  the  specific  consideration  of 
the  subject,  and  of  the  application  of  this  passage  of 
the  Word  to  its  elucidation,  1  wish  to  state  that  the 
New-Church  doctrines  in  this  respect  are  extremely 
practical,  pervaded  by  common  sense,  emphatic,  and 
at  the  same  time  lofty  and  spiritual.  They  do  not 
encourage  any  useless  repining,  nor  any  needless  ex- 
posure of  domestic  unhappiness;  and,  above  all,  I 
Avish  to  testify  that  I  do  not  know  of  a  syllable  in  all 
the  writings  of  the  New  Church  that  could  be  twisted 
■so  as  to  make  it  sanction  or  in  any  degree  counte- 
nance the  married  in  cherishing  any  sentiments  untrue 
to  their  marriage  vows.  'J'here  are  no  affinities  with 
■others  tolerated  for  an  instant  in  the  doctrines  of  the 
:\ew  Church,  that  either  husband  or  wife  can  indulge 
in  because  of  the  unhappiness  of  their  marriage. 
Whether  unhappy  or  not,  after  one  has  entered  into 
the  marriage  relation,  according  to  our  teachings,  he 
must  prove  true  to  it.  Whether  divorce  may  in  any 
instance  be  tolerated,  and  under  what  extreme  provoca- 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE.  51 

tion  separation  may  be  advisable,  I  do  not  purpose 
now  to  consider.  This  I  desire  most  earnestly  to  em- 
phasize, that  when  persons  enter  into  this  relation  they 
enter  it  for  life,  and  that  whether  perfect  or  imperfect, 
happy  or  miserable,  successful  or  otherwise,  they  are 
expected  under  all  ordinary  circumstances  to  be  true 
to  it.  Let  this  be  understood  as  a  fundamental  posi- 
tion from  which  the  whole  subject  is  lu  be  consid- 
ered. 

The  passage  we  have  from  the  Scripture,  in  its 
spiritual  import,  lays  down  and  develops  the  principle 
which  all  the  unhappily  married  should  observe. 
"Commit  thy  way  unto  the  Lord;  trust  also  in  Him," 
are  the  commandments  which  such  are  to  obey.  lUii 
committing  one's  way  to  the  Lord,  and  trust ini,^  in 
Him  are  n(jt  generally  uiuicrstood.  'I'hcy  mean  more 
than  the  feeling  of  trust  in  the  heart;  they  are  not 
obeyed  merely  because  one's  soul  is  assured  in  its 
sense  of  faith  in  the  Divine  Providence.  Trusting  the 
Lord  is  a  method  (;f  life  or  obedience.  .Iccording  to 
our  doctrines  even  love  for  the  Loril  is  not  a  mere  sen- 
timent cherished  in  the  heart.  Il  is  an  obedience  to 
His  commandments.  So  much  nmre  must  coininiiliug 
one's  way  to  Him  be  a  reliance  u|)on  His  law  We 
trust  tile  Lord  l)y  trusting  the  laws  of  life  whicli  He 
has  lai<l  down  to  us.  \\c  i;omniil  our  w;iy  unti>  ilim 
by  committing  our    lives   unt(j    the    obedience    of   His 


52  FIVE  SERMOXS  O.V  A/AKRIAGE. 

injunctions.  Just  as  we  commit  our  lives  into  the 
hands  of  a  physician  by  observing  what  he  tells  us  to 
do,  so  do  we  trust  the  Lord.  Applying  it  to  the  sub- 
ject before  us,  those  who  are  unhappily  married  com- 
mit their  way  unto  the  Lord  by  carrying  out  in  their 
lives  the  heavenly  laws  of  marriage,  whatever  may 
be  their  personal  relation  to  it.  Trust  those  princi- 
ples which  should  prevail  in  a  true  marriage,  even 
when  living  in  one  that  is  false.  Commit  your  life 
unto  the  realization,  unto  the  high  ideals  of  conse- 
cration which  we  find  laid  down  for  us  in  an  unselfish 
marriage;  for  thus  shall  you  make  the  Divine  law  of 
truth  your  own,  and  thus  shall  you  commit  your  way 
unto  the  Lord. 

And  this  passage  assures  us,  "  he  shall  bring  it  to 
pass."  That  is,  such  a  course  of  devotion  to  what  is 
right  and  true,  such  a  trusting  of  the  Lord  by  obeying 
His  laws,  shall  bear  its  true  fruit  in  the  development  of 
one's  own  character,  and  in  a  spiritual  harvest  of  use- 
fulness in  the  world.  "Bringing  it  to  pass"  means 
accomplishing  the  heavenly  purposes  of  your  efforts;  it 
is  the  realization  of  the  heavenly  love  in  your  heart  in 
the  achievements  of  life,  and  the  attainment  of  the 
plans  of  your  wisdom,  according  to  its  purity,  in  what 
you  accomplish  in  the  world. 

It  is  by  no  strained,  or  far-fetched  application,  that 
I   apply  this  passage  to  those  whose   marriage  is  un- 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  5.5 

happy;  for  these  words  are  addressed  to  all  suffering, 
all  longing,  and  all  struggling  human  beings,  and  tell 
them  in  one  sentence  what  to  do,  and  assure  them  of 
the  blessedness  of  that  doing.  All  such,  whatever  be 
their  suffering,  are  to  "commit  their  way  unto  the 
Lord,"  and  "He  shall  bring  it  to  pass;"  which  means, 
to  those  whose  marriages  are  not  satisfactory  or  per- 
fect, that  if  they  will  devote  their  lives  to  the  attain- 
ment of  the  Divine  purposes  of  marriage,  they  shall 
have  its  blessedness.  If  they  trust  the  Lord,  by  trust- 
ing His  Divine  laws  in  reference  to  this  relation,  they 
shall  attain  the  heavenly  fruit  of  such  an  effort.  "He 
will   bring  it  to  pass." 

Those  whose  marriage  is  not  satisfactory  are  apt  to 
feel  that  their  life  is  a  failure,  that  their  hopes  are 
blasted,  that  there  is  nothing  more  for  them  to  desire 
or  to  achieve,  liut  no!  The  Lurd,  in  this  passage, 
assures  tlicm  that  if  they  will  irusl  limi,  if  thry  will 
commit  their  lives  wwU)  the  attainment  of  His  heav- 
enly purposes,  He  will  bring  it  even  now  to  pass; 
that  is  He  will  bestow  upon  them  even  now  the 
spiritual  wealth  and  the  spiritual  blessedness  which 
they  are  seeking.  bringing  it  t(j  jiass  does  not  mean 
that  He  shall  turn  their  unliapi)y  marriage  into  one 
that  is  externally  hajjpy  and  satisfactory — although, 
even  for  the  attainment  of  this  purjKJse,  ccjuiniiiiing 
one's  way  to  the  Lord    by  obeying   his  commandiiumts 


64  FIVE  SKKMOXS  O.V  MARRIAGE. 

is  the  best  course  to  pursue — but  it  means  that  the 
high,  the  unselfish,  the  Divine  ends  of  marriage  may 
even  yet  be  attained. 

This  teaching  of  the  passage  before  us  embodies  in 
a  summary  and  general  way  the  instructions  which 
the  doctrines  of  the  New  Church  give  us  on  the  sub- 
ject of  unhappy  marriages.  But  that  we  may  attain 
a  more  detailed  comprehension  of  what  they  tell  us,  I 
will  enter  into  a  more  particular  application  of  these 
truths. 

I.  And  first,  1  notice  that  a  person  who  is  un- 
happily married  may  have  before  him  an  ideal.  How- 
ever hopeless  may  appear  the  question  of  his  selfish 
happiness,  he  may  have  an  ideal  of  spiritual  usefulness. 
He  may  place  before  him  the  heavenly  purpose  of 
attaining  the  very  best  it  is  possible  to  secure  under 
the  untoward  circumstances  in  which  he  is  placed.  If 
one  were  wrecked  upon  a  distant  island,  among  uncon- 
genial people,  far  from  loved  ones,  and  entirely  cut  off 
from  sympathetic  associations,  could  he  not  have  an 
ideal  of  possible  usefulness,  and  even  devotion  to  what 
would  prove  a  blessing  to  his  disagreeable  associates  ? 
There  is  no  position  so  forlorn,  so  utterly  disconsolate, 
that  there  is  not  an  ideal,  a  lofty  conception  of  self- 
control,  and  of  high,  unselfish  devotion  to  what  little 
apparent  usefulness  can  be  accomplished.  The  cjues- 
tion  of  personal  happiness,  personal  comfort,  yea,  even 


FIVE  SERMOXS  O.V  MARRIAGE.  55 

personal  suffering,  may  have  to  be  laid  aside.  But  an 
ideal  of  personal  devotion  to  what  is  good  and  true, 
and  of  the  accomplishment  of  the  very  best  possible 
can  be  placed  before  one  to  guide,  to  inspire,  and  to 
give  strength,  however  dark  and  lonely  may  appear  the 
way  and  however  forlorn  and  hopeless  may  seem  the 
journey.  There  is  the  ideal  of  attaining  the  truest 
unselfishness,  of  exalting  in  all  the  efforts  of  life  the 
real  spiritual  purposes  of  marriage,  and  of  accomplish- 
ing the  uses  for  which  this  sacred  institution  has  been 
established  by  the  Lord.  If  unhappiness  in  marriage 
opens  one's  eyes  to  these  spiritual  ends,  if  it  leads  one 
to  the  humility  and  the  devotion  to  seek  their  accom- 
plishment, then  such  unhappiness  is  bringing  about  a 
higher  result  in  one's  marriage  than  if  it  were  satisfac- 
tory, but  selfish.  Understand  that  I  do  not  mean  that 
imder  any  circumstances  an  untrue  marriage  can  be 
equal  to  a  true  one,  bul  an  luihappy  marriage  which 
leads  either  or  both  of  its  partners  to  an  unselfish  con- 
secration, is  far  better  than  one  which  is  merely  self- 
ishly satisfactory,  and  to  one's  vanity  and  conceits  and 
love  of  personal   comfort   very  happy   indeed. 

2.  I'lUt  what  are  these  heavenly  purposes  ?  I. el  us 
advance  still  further  into  details.  I'Oremost  among 
the  heavenly  ends  of  marriage,  as  we  have  already 
seen,  is  regeneration;  that  is,  the  subjection  of  what  is 
wfjridiv  and   srlfisli   in   anv  one's  character   to  what   is 


60  I J\E   SL.KMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

heavenly  and  true.  The  very  highest  service  which 
the  true  wife  renders  her  husband  is  that  which  will 
make  him  a  better  man.  The  supreme  blessing  which 
a  good  husband  can  bring  to  his  wife  is  that  which 
shall  make  her  a  truer  woman.  If  any  one  finds  his 
marriage  not  satisfactory  he  should  ask  himself  this 
solemn  question,  What  can  I  do  to  make  this  person 
less  selfish,  more  considerate  ?  What  can  I  do  to  lead 
him  from  his  evils  ?  What  can  J  do  to  bring  him 
nearer  heaven  ?  Notice,  that  this  devotion  does  not 
mean  that  you  are  slavishly  to  accept  the  kind  of  ser- 
vice which  he  might  like  to  have  you  render.  You 
are  no  more  bound  in  an  unhappy  marriage  to  encour- 
age your  partner  in  what  is  selfish  or  wicked,  than  you 
are  in  one  that  is  true.  It  is  your  duty  so  to  live  that 
you  may  influence  him  for  good,  and  this  purpose  you 
must  seek  to  serve  as  devotedly  in  a  relation  where 
your  services  of  that  kind  are  not  wanted,  as  you  are 
in  one  in  which  the  advice  of  your  wisdom  is  received 
with  gratitude  and  adopted  with  alacrity.  You  are  not 
to  countenance  your  partner  in  wn^ng-doing  any  more 
than  you  are  in  a  marriage  that  is  blessed  and  true.  You 
are  not  to  violate  your  own  conscience  nor  to  do  wrong, 
to  appease  the  will  of  a  domineering  or  selfish  husband 
or  wife,  because  you  are  unhappily  married.  You  are  to 
be  true  to  his  highest  spiritual  welfare,  sacrificing  your 
mvn   happiness,  your  own  comfort,  your  own  satisfac- 


FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE.  57 

tions — not  to  his  selfishness,  that  would  be  unworth}- 
the  sacrifice,  but  to  his  spiritual  welfare.  Give  up  all 
thoughts  of  self,  so  far  as  your  outer  comforts  are  con- 
cerned, but  think  only  of  being  true  to  your  own  high- 
est convictions  of  right,  and  of  leading  him  to  a  better 
life.  Persons  thus  married  must  seek  to  call  out  the 
better  nature  of  the  husband  or  the  wife.  And  by 
calling  out  the  better  nature,  I  do  not  mean  to  humor 
him  in  order  that  he  may  be  pleasant  or  good-natured, 
but  1  mean  if  there  be  anything  unselfish  in  him,  call 
that  out  by  being  genuinely  unselfish.  If  there  be  any 
respect  for  truth  in  him,  call  that  out  by  being  true. 
If  there  be  any  respect  for  honor,  purity,  consistency, 
show  by  your  own  fidelity  to  these  things  what  beauty 
there  is  in  them,  that  he  may  be  led  to  love  them,  to 
honor  them,  and  t<j  adopt  them  in  his  own  life.  lOvery 
husband,  then,  that  feels  himself  to  be  unhappily  mar- 
ried, shcnild  devote  himself  to  helping  his  wife  to  be  a 
better  woman.  Every  wife  who  awakes  from  the 
dream  of  happiness  to  find  herself  mistaken  in  the 
object  of  her  choice,  should  consecrate  her  life  to  cor- 
recting that  mistake  by  iieli)iiig  lu-r  husband  to  become 
the  man  she  thought  he  was.  Thus  let  those  who  arc 
unhappily  married  determine  that  the  spiritual  uses  of 
marriage  shall,  notwithstanding  fheir  own  unhappiness, 
be  accomplished. 

I'o  tlo   this  refpiires   our  very  greatest   wisdom,  and 


58  FIVE  SERMOXS  O.V  MARRIAGE. 

an  exhibition  of  infinite  tact.  It  is  not  as  a  superior  to 
an  inferior  that  husband  or  wife,  even  when  unhappy, 
should  seek  to  lead  the  other.  It  is  not  as  saints 
ostentatiously  guiding  sinners  that  married  partners 
should  seek  to  influence  each  other;  nor  is  it  by  means 
of  deception  that  they  should  endeavor  to  manage  each 
other.  Much  less  should  one  enter  into  this  great  mis- 
sion as  a  self-constituted  martyr,  with  doleful  mien, 
and  with  a  feeling  of  self-righteonsness  and  self-sacri- 
fice; but  with  all  humility,  with  unbounded  patience, 
with  self-control,  and  with  untiring  forbearance,  look- 
ing only'to  the  Heavenly  Father  for  strength,  such  an 
one  should  enier  upon  his  great  mission  of  so  living 
in  all  the  relations  of  his  married  life,  that  the  other 
may  be  influenced  to  become  better,  truer,  nobler, 
and  more  just. 

3.  But  those  who  are  unhappily  married  need  es- 
pecial wisdom,  and  especial  self-control  in  their  rela- 
tion with  others  than  their  married  partner.  Shall 
their  unhappiness  be  cherished  as  a  great  secret — a 
spiritual  cancer,  eating  their  life — or  shall  they  seek 
sympathy  and  comfort  from  their  friemls  and  asso- 
ciates ?  The  passage  before  us  says,  "Commit  thy 
way  to  the  Lord"  and  this  surely  means  that  your 
strength  and  wisdom  for  carrying  on  the  great  mission 
you  have  entered  on  shall  come  from  Him,  and  shall 
be  s(jught  in   the  truth  which  lie  gives  us,  and  in  the 


FIVE  SEA.VJ.VS  O.V  MARRIAGE.  59 

obeying  of  the  commandments  which  He  has  laid  down 
for  us.  Bui.  we  are  weak.  We  may  be  confused,  we 
may  be  blinded  by  our  selfish  affections,  and  in  the 
midst  of  things  that  try  us,  our  judgment  may  seem 
impotent  to  decide  what  is  true  and  wise  for  us. 
While  the  rule  is  good  therefore  that,  where  possible, 
heavenly  truth  should  be  applied  by  each  to  the  un- 
toward circumstances  of  his  life,  it  is  yet  orderly  and 
right  to  accept  counsel,  nay,  even  to  seek  it.  Hut  let 
it  be  understootl  that  confidence  of  this  kind  is  for  the 
sake  of  obtaining  wisdom.  Let  no  one  open  his  heart 
to  another  for  the  purpose  of  being  confirmed  and 
strengthened  in  his  disc(jntent.  Let  no  wife  seek  to 
have  antjther  tell  her  that  her  husband  is  unjust  Let 
no  husband  seek  from  his  companions  sympathy  for 
the  suffering  which  comes  from  an  unhappy  marriage. 
Let  there  be  but  this  one  thought,  that  we  may  obtain 
wisdom  and  strength  to  guide  and  support  us  in  what 
is  right.  These  we  may  seek  that  we  may  more  suc- 
cessfully attain  unto  tlic  high  purposes  of  the  married 
relation.  To  ask  sympathy  merely  for  its  own  sake, 
to  crave  and  seek  that  kind  of  condolence  which  leads 
us  to  a  keener  appreciation  of  our  own  unliapi)iness, 
is  unhealthy  and  untrue.  Let  us,  then,  in  our  confi- 
dence simply  seek  wisdom,  and  not  sympathy  for  the 
suffering. 

4.      And   it   is  well    to   remember   in    tiiis   connection 


60  Fn'K  Sr-.RMOXS  ox  MARRIAGE. 

that  if  he  to  whom  you  are  married  is  unfitted  for  you, 
it  follows  of  necessity  that  you  are  unfitted  for  him. 
If  a  man  finds  his  wife  not  intellectual  enough  to  be 
his  equal,  he  may  rest  assured  that  his  intellectuality 
may  stantl  in  the  way  of  his  greatest  usefulness  to 
her.  If  one  be  not  good  enough  for  the  other,  the 
goodness  of  the  other  needs  special  management  that 
it  may  be  of  use  to  the  one.  The  unhappiness  of 
marriage  extends  in  both  ways,  and  each  may  know 
that  if  his  married  partner  seem  not  suited  to  minister 
to  his  own  best  welfare,  neither  is  he  ministering  in 
the  most  successful  way  to  his  married  partner's  best 
welfare.  F^ach  then,  in  such  instance,  must  look  to 
his  own  life  to  see  wherein  he  may  so  accommodate 
himself  to  the  state  of  the  other  as  to  be  of  the  great- 
east  use  to  him.  It  were  well  for  each  person  whose 
marriage  is  unhappy  to  remember  that  that  imperfec- 
tion affects  also  the  life  of  his  i)artner,  and  that  it  is 
his  part  to  correct  the  evil  so  far  as  it  pertains  to 
his  efforts  to  do  so. 

To  him,  then,  who  is  unhappily  married,  our  doc- 
trines come  and  tell  him  Ui  take  good  courage.  They 
give  him  a  lofty  ideal  to  place  before  himself,  for  his 
spiritual  endeavor  and  for  his  attainment  of  what  is 
right  and  true.  The  spiritual  welfare  of  him  to  whom 
you  are  married,  must  be  the  supreme  end  of  your 
efforts  whatever  be  the  nature  of  that  union,  whether 


FIVE  SERMONS  O.V  MA  KN I  AGE.  61 

happy  or  not.  And  we  are  to  seek  wisdom  for  our 
guidance,  rather  than  sympathy  for  our  sufferings, 
remembering  ever  that  if  one's  partner  is  unfit  for  him, 
he  himself  must,  therefore,  labor  with  the  greater 
earnestness  to  make  up  for  his  own  deficiency.  By 
all  these  ways,  even  in  an  unhappy  marriage,  may 
one  attain  the  blessings  for  which  this  sacred  insti- 
tution was  established;  and  from  the  bitterness  of  an 
unhappy  expc-ience  may  he  reap  a  beautiful  spiritual 
harvest.  This  teaching  is  not  that  any  should  enter 
an  unhappy  marriage  with  the  prospect  that  it  will  be 
such;  but  that,  having  entered  it,  they  may  by  a  de- 
votion to  these  high,  pure,  and  unselfish  purposes, 
gain  spiritual  life  even  from  the  foolishness  oi  their 
mistaken  judgments.  As.  the  l.ord  overrules  evil, 
even  making  the  wrath  of  man  io  praise  Him,  so  in 
this  saddest  of  earthly  relations,  by  supreme  devotion, 
may  one  reap  a  rich  spiritual  harvest,  overruling  what 
we  should  expect  to  be  the  effects  of  former  foolish- 
ness. 

And  who  can  measure  the  sweetness  of  character, 
the  Divine  humility  of  spirit,  and  the  supreme  conse- 
cratif>n  unto  which  one,  whose  marriage  is  not  Iia|)py, 
may  yet  attain  if,  laying  aside  the  (juestion  of  his  own 
satisfactions,  he  devotes  himself  wholly  to  liic  realiza- 
tions of  the  true  ends  of  marriage.  "Commit  thy  way 
unto   tiie    Lord,  trust  also  in  Mini,  and  He   shall    bring 


62  FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

it  to  pass."  "  He  shall  bring  it  to  pass."  He  shall 
come  into  the  life  of  him  who  thus  commits  his  way 
unto  Him,  and  bestow  the  blessings  of  infinite  love,  of 
peace,  of  unselfishness,  of  consecration,  and  of  heav- 
enly usefulness;  yea,  of  a  lofty  angelhood. 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRIAGE.  63 


V. 

MARRIAGE    IX    HEAVEN. 

"And  I  will  betroth  thee  unto  me  forever:  yea,  I  will  betroth  thee  unto 
Me  in  righteousness,  ami  in  judgment,  and  in  lovins  kindness,  and  in 
mercies.  I  will  even  betroth  tliee  unto  Me  in  faitlifulness  ;  and  thou  shalt 
know  the  Lord,"— Hosea  ii.  lit,  20. 

'"Vedo  err.  not  knowint;  the  Scriptures,  nor  the  power  of  (iod.  For  in 
the  resurrection  they  neither  marry,  nor  art  friven  in  nuirriase.  but  are  as 
the  anjcels  of  (;od  in  heaven." -Matt.  x.\ii.  21).  m  :  .Mark.  xii.  24,  2.'J :  Luke 
XX.  3».  'V>. 

Throughout  the  sacred  Scripture  marriage  is  treat- 
ed of  in  two  ways:  first,  as  expressing  a  purely  spiritual 
relation;  and  sec(jndly,  as  referring  to  the  institution 
as  it  exists  in  the  world.  In  treating  of  the  subject 
of  marriage  in  heaven,  1  have  chosen  two  ])assages;  the 
first  from  liosea,  because  it  expresses  in  so  beautiful  a 
way  the  spiritual  signification  of  marriage;  and  the 
second  from  the  (lospels,  i)artly  because  it  appears  to 
treat  of  marriage  as  an  institution,  but  more  especially 
because  it  has  been  generally  regarded  as  teaching  ab- 
solutely that  no  such  relation  can  exist  in  the  spiritual 
world. 

Let  us  consider,  first,  marriage  as  a  spiritual  rela- 
tionship. 


64  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRfAGE. 

This  passage  frcni  Hosea  is  only  one  of  a  large  num- 
ber of  similar  statements  in  the  Word.  In  Jeremiah 
the  Lord  says,  "  I''or  I  am  married  unto  you"  (iii.  14). 
In  His  parables  the  Lord  compares  the  kingdom  of 
heaven  to  a  marriage,  and  in  the  Apocalypse  He  speaks 
of  the  New  Jerusalem  as  being  "the  bride,  the  Lamb's 
wife."  Marriage,  therefore,  represents  the  conjunction 
between  the  Church  and  the  Lord.  As  the  Lord  is 
present  with  His  people.  He  in  them  and  they  in  Him, 
as  His  law  is  written  in  their  hearts,  and  they  become 
obedient  to  His  Word,  and  carry  out  in  life  His  Divine 
law,  so  is  He  married  to  them  and  they  are  married  to 
Him. 

And  observe  how  beautifully  and  how  perfectly  this 
passage  from  Hosea  describes  the  spiritual  relation, 
and  teaches  us  that  such  a  relation  is  marriage.  "  I 
will  betroth  thee  unto  Me  in  righteousness,  and  in  Judg- 
ment, and  in  loving  kindness  and  mercies^  What  better 
announcement  could  we  have  that  true  marriage  is  a 
union  on  the  basis  of  heavenly  qualities  of  character  ? 
It  is  by  virtue  of  their  conjunction  in  "righteousness 
and  in  judgment,"  that  the  Lord  is  to  be  married  to 
His  people.  It  is  because  they  can  l)e  united  in  "kind- 
ness and  mercies,"  that  Jehovah  can  espouse  His 
Church.  "I  will  even  betroth  thee  unto  Me  in  faith- 
fulness: and  thou  shalt  know  the  Lord,"  we  read  fur- 
ther, teaching  us   that  fidelity  is  a  basis  of  marriage; 


FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE.  «5 

and  that  "knowing  the  Lord"  constitutes  marriage 
with  Him. 

Marriage,  however,  not  only  in  a  general  way  repre- 
sents the  union  of  the  Heavenly  Father  and  His 
C'nurch,  but  in  a  particular  way  it  represents  the  con- 
junction between  an  individual  and  the  Lord.  With 
every  person,  as  the  Divine  truth  within  him  is  carried 
out  in  his  actions,  and  becomes  a  part  of  his  life  and 
character,  so  is  he  married  to  tlie  Lord.  Hence,  too, 
marriage  is  the  union  between  goodness  and  truth  in 
the  life  of  any  one.  As  the  high  spiritual  principles  in 
our  faith  are  carried  out  in  the  deeds  of  our  life,  thus 
as  the  truth  that  is  within  us  becomes  married  to  the 
g(jod,  the  one  characterizing  the  (Ulicr,  and  the  other 
inspiring  the  one,  so  is  there  a  marriage  right  witiiin 
(jur  own  breast.  Kcjr  marriage  spiritually  is  the  union 
of  heavenly  things,  of  goodness,  iriitli,  and  ol)e- 
ilicnce,  f(jr  the  bringing  the  I-ord's  kingdom  to  the 
earth. 

It  is  noticeable  that  even  in  this  spiritual  appreiien- 
sion  of  our  subject,  marriage  is  n(;t  the  mere  union  of 
two  principles  that  are  alike,  for  the  accumulation  of 
strength,  l)Ut  it  is  the  conjunction  of  goodness  with 
truth,  of  hne  with  faith,  of  the  J,(jrd  with  His  Church, 
of  two  spiritual  (pialities  in  themselves  different,  which 
by  their  union  mutually  sustain  and  characterize  each 
other.      'I'he    idea   of   sex    is  never  for   an   instant   l:jst 


G6  FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

sight  of,  no  matter  how  high  or  pure  or  spiritual  may 
be  the  way  in  which  we  take  the  subject. 

In  its  true  apprehension,  marriage  between  man  and 
woman  is  this  spiritual  relationship.  Interiorly  and 
essentially  true  marriage  is  always  a  relation  of  heav- 
enly things.  In  its  interior  character  marriage  is  a 
mental  union.  It  is  a  conjunction  of  minds.  It  is  a 
oneness  of  soul.  It  will  be  recollected  that,  in  treating 
of  the  true  marriage,  I  attempted  to  show  that  in  such 
a  marriage  what  is  good  and  true  and  noble  in  the  pur- 
poses and  efforts  of  the  husband,  are  united  to  what  is 
pure,  beautiful,  and  unselfish  in  the  character  of  the 
wife,  that  together  they  may  form  one  united  man,  for 
the  regeneration  of  each,  and  for  their  greatest  use  in 
the  world.  As  a  spiritual  relationship,  thus  appre- 
hended, a  relationship  which  marriage  represents  (as  it 
is  referred  to  throughout  the  sacred  Scripture),  it  be- 
comes a  perfectly  appropriate  and  natural  relationship 
to  exist  in  heaven.  If  the  Lord  and  His  people  can  be 
married,  because  they  can  be"  spiritually  united,  it  fol- 
lows that  where  such  unions  are  possible,  that  is,  where 
good  and  truth  exist  and  can  be  brought  together,  there 
is  marriage.  And  as  these  principles  prevail  in  heaven, 
and  men  and  women  can  be  conjoined  in  them,  the 
heavenly  marriage  between  men  and  women  is  possible 
there. 

The   doctrines   of  the    New  Church   teach   us   many 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  67 

things  concerning  this  relationship  as  it  exists  in 
heaven.  According  to  them,  sex  is  a  mental  or  spirit- 
ual relationship.  According  to  our  teachings  there  is 
nothing  which  is  exactly  the  same  in  men  and  women. 
A  woman's  love  is  unlike  the  love  of  man.  A  man's 
intelligence  and  judgment  differ  from  a  woman's  under- 
standing. Their  ideas,  their  methods  of  carrying  out 
their  various  purposes,  their  emotions,  thoughts,  and 
volitions  are  peculiar  to  each.  It  is  impossible  for  a 
woman  to  think  precisely  the  same  thought  that  comes 
into  the  mind  of  man;  and  man  cannot  be  moved  by 
precisely  the  same  affection  as  that  which  stirs  the  heart 
of  woman.  From  the  very  inmost  of  their  spiritual 
and  mental  organizations,  the  ([ualities  of  sex  are 
stampetl  ui)on  every  minutest  feature  of  their  two 
natiires. 

But  this  difference  is  not  a  mere  difference.  It  is  a 
related  difference;  that  is,  the  peculiar  (luaiilies  of 
each  are  in  themselves  incomplete  and  lacking,  but  are 
made  full  and  perfect  by  union  with  the  correspcjnding 
qualities  of  the  other.  A  man's  love  is  not  true  love 
unless  guided  by  woman's  |)erceptions.  A  woman's 
affecti(jns  are  not  true  affections  unless  dircc  ted  and 
broadened  by  man's  judgment  and  wisdom.  Jn  a  wcjrd, 
the  spiritual  attributes  of  the  male  and  the  female  char- 
acter are  exactly  complemental,  and  the  two  together 
make   one   complete!    man.       This    is    ih.e    (l(M;lrine    we 


68  FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

have  already  given  of  the  ideal  marriage  which  should 
be  sought  on  earth;  and  it  is  our  doctrine  of  the  actual 
marriage  which  takes  place  with  all  who  reach  heaven. 
How  this  is  brought  about  in  the  infinite  love  and  wis- 
dom of  the  Lord,  it  is  not  for  us  now  to  consider. 
Suffice  it  to  say  that,  according  to  our  teachings,  it  is 
provided  in  the  Lord's  infinite  mercy  that  every  human 
being  who  reaches  heaven,  and  desires  it,  shall  find  his 
counterpart,  one  to  whom  he  shall  be  united  in  the 
bonds  of  true  and  perfect  marriage — a  union  whence 
come  the  sweetest  and  most  interior  joys  and  the 
widest  usefulness  of  his  heavenly  state   forever. 

But  against  the  doctrine  of  marriage,  of  any  kind 
whatever,  in  the  spiritual  world,  this  passage  which  we 
have  before  us  from  the  (iospels,  has  been  often  quoted, 
and  has  nearly  universally  been  regarded  as  an  absolute 
settlement  of  the  whole  question.  Let  us  consider  the 
j^assage,  both  naturally  and  spiritually,  and  see  whether 
it  necessitates  any  such  conclusion. 

But  before  we  consider  it  specifically,  in  either  way, 
i  wish  to  call  attention  to  one  feature  of  the  Lord's 
words  which  has  been  commonly  overlooked.  His 
affirmation  is  really  not  concerning  the  marriage  rela- 
tion^ but  concerning  the  act  of  getting  married,  or  of 
entering  into  it.  The  Lord  says  "they  neither  marry 
nor  are  they  given  in  marriage."  To  "mairy"  here 
signifies   to  take  in   marriage,   which    is   the  act  of   the 


FIVE  SERMONS  OX  MARRIAGE.  69 

bridegroom  when  he  enters  into  the  relation  of  mar 
riage.  "To  be  given  in  marriage"  represents  the  part 
that  the  bride  takes,  as  she  enters  into  the  relation. 
It  is  therefore  concerning  the  becoming  married  that 
the  Lord  affirms  that  it  does  not  take  place  in  the  res- 
urrection. 

First,  then,  let  us  consider  what  this  means  spirit- 
ually. We  have  already  seen  that  spiritual  marriage 
means  the  union  of  goodness  and  truth.  It  represents, 
therefore,  regeneration  and  purification.  It  is  having 
the  Lord's  will  done  on  earth  as  it  is  in  heaven;  and 
with  the  individual  it  is  conjunction  with  the  Lord 
Himself,  in  "righteousness,"  in  "judgment,"  in  "lov- 
ing kindness,"  and  in  "mercies,"  as  is  described  in  the 
passage  we  have  taken  from  ilosca.  I'liai  this  n^.ar- 
riage  does  not  take  place  in  lu-avcn  as  stated  in  this 
passage,  means  simply  that  our  regeneration  is  some- 
thing which  must  be  accomplished  in  tliii  'n'orlJ.  .  To 
affirm  that  such  marriage  d(^es  not  e.xiht.  in  iaavcn, 
would  be  the  same  as  saying  that  heaven  itself  does 
not  e.xist;  for  being  conjoined  to  the  Lord  in  righteous- 
ness and  |)eace,  as  is  here  described,  and  as  is  nu'ant 
by  marriage  spiritually,  constitutes  heaven.  lint  that 
conjunction,  that  is,  this  heavenly  marriaj^c,  is  attained 
by  a  life  of  obedience  to  the  commandments  while  we 
live  in  this  world.  It  is  here  that  we  attain  spiritual 
regeneration.      It  is  by  a  life  on  earth  that  we  decide 


70  FIVE  SEKMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE. 

whether  we  shall  belong  to  the  Lord  or  to  Satan,  and 
hence  it  is  in  this  world  that  we  give  ourselves,  and  are 
given  by  the  Heavenly  Father,  unto  this  spiritual  mar- 
riage. And  when  we  leave  this  world  we  enter  into 
the  full  fruition  of  that  heavenly  marriage  for  which 
wc  have  been  prepared,  that  is,  into  which  we  have 
entered  by  our  life  on  earth.  We  do  not  become  mar- 
ried in  heaven,  simply  because  this  world  is  the  place 
for  the  accomplishment  of  our  regeneration,  that  is, 
for  becoming,  or  getting,  married;  and  heaven  for  its 
fruition,  that  is,  for  entering  fully  into  the  regenerated 
or  married  state.  They  who  have  not  contracted  this 
celestial  marriage  here,  by  a  life  of  truth  and  honesty, 
cannot  enter  it  there,  for  in  heaven  they  "neither 
marry,  nor  are  given  in  marriage;"  that  is,  they  are 
not  regenerated  there. 

But,  in  the  second  place,  let  us  look  at  this  passage 
in  its  literal  import,  and  see  what  is  its  actual  teaching. 
If  it  refers  to  the  marriage  relation  betv/een  men  and 
women,  what  is  the  force  of  the  Lord's  statement  that 
"in  the  resurrection  they  neither  marry,  nor  are  given 
in  marriage  "  ? 

Its  meaning  with  each  one  is  according  to  the  idea 
which  he  has  of  the  marriage  relation.  The  word 
"marriage"  can  mean  nothing  else.  To  tell  a  Moham- 
medan that  marriage  exists  in  heaven,  would  mean 
simply  that  polygamy  e.\ists  in   heaven.     To  tell  these 


FIVE  SEK.UOXS  ox  MARRIAGE.  .        71 

Sadducees  that  there  would  be  marriage  there,  would 
mean  to  them  that  the  gross  and  slavish  ideas  of  the 
Jews  concerning  this  relationship  would  be  realized  in 
heaven.  Probably  concerning  no  relationship  on  earth 
have  there  been  grosser  mistakes  than  concerning  mar- 
riage, as  indeed  may  be  evidenced  from  the  many  mis- 
conceptions which  even  yet  prevail  concerning  it,  of 
which  the  first  of  these  sermons  treats.  If  the  Lord 
had  stated  in  this  passage  that  marriage  existed  in 
heaven,  the  practical  teaching  of  His  words  would  have 
been  that  the  gross  ideas  of  marriage  prevailing  in  the 
world  would  there  be  carried  out.  His  words  would 
have  promised  a  harem  to  the  Oriental,  and  an  object 
of  servitude  and  self-gratification  to  the  man  who  thus 
looks  upon  the  ends  of  marriage.  In  the  low  forms  in 
whicli  marriage  has  existed  on  earlli,  ami  in  ihc  criulc 
conce|)tions  with  which  men  have  clotlied  it,  it  lioes 
not  exist  in  heaven.  It  is  less  false  for  mankind  to 
imagine  that  this  institution  does  not  prevail  there, 
than  to  think  of  it  as  existing  in  heaven  in  the  false 
forms  that  pertain  t(;  it  on  eartii.  li  llie  Lord  hail 
announced  that  in  heaven  they  were  married  and  given 
in  marriage,  He  would  have  conveyed  to  niankind  the 
grossest  of  errors,  for  in  the  only  way  in  wiiicli  lliey 
could  then  conceive  of  this  relation  it  would  not  be 
true  to  teach  its  existence  in  the  resurrection.  As  the 
Lord  was  obliged  to  use  words  with  the  meanings  which 


72  FIVE  SERMOXS  OXMAKR/AGE. 

those  worils  possessed  to  the  ones  He  addressed,  He 
had  no  alternative  but  to  say  that  in  heaven  they 
neither  marry  nor  are  given  in  marriage;  by  which  He 
means,  taking  His  words  in  their  literal  import,  that 
marriage,  in  the  gross  forms  in  which  it  exists  on  earth, 
does  not  exist  in  heaven,  and  by  which  we  understand 
that  our  ideas  of  heaven  are  less  erroneous  with  the 
doctrine  that  no  marriage  exists  there,  than  with  the 
notion  that  a  selfish  or  a  sensuous  marriage  can  take 
place  in  heaven. 

This  is  the  way  we  may  interpret  this  remarkable 
passage.  And  in  confirmation  of  its  truth  we  must 
remember  the  kind  of  a  question  that  the  Sadducees 
had  asked,  namely,  to  whom,  to  what  husband,  a  wo- 
man who  had  had  seven  husbands,  should  belong  ? 
Notice  that  they  assumed  that  marriage  existed  as  it 
did  in  this  world,  and  that  each  should  enter  into  this 
relation  with  the  person  with  whom  he  had  been  asso- 
ciated thus  in  this  world.  With  such  conceptions  of 
the  nature  of  marriage  there,  what  could  the  Lord  do, 
other  then  to  deny  their  truth  ?  The  conditions  which 
the  Sadducees  assumed,  could  have  n(;  influence  in  the 
kind  of  marriage  which  there  prevails,  and  indeed  the 
marriage  which  they  thought  of  has  in  heaven  no  exist- 
ence. 

Since,  then,  from  many  passages  in  the  Word  we 
learn  that  marriage  represents  a  spiritual  relationship, 


FIVE  SEKMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE.  73 

a  heavenly  union  of  the  highest  and  purest  quality, 
even  conjunction  with  the  Lord  Himself, we  confidently 
maintain  that  such  a  conjunction  is  possible  between 
men  and  women  after  they  have  become  angels,  and  we 
explain  this  solitary  passage  which  seems  to  militate 
against  this  position  by  showing,  first,  that  spiritually 
it  means  that  earth  is  the  place  of  regeneration;  and 
that  naturally  it  signifies  that  marriage,  in  the  gross 
and  imperfect  conceptions  of  it  w'hich  prevailed  at  the 
time  the  Lord  uttered  these  words,  shall  not  prevail  in 
heaven. 

Having  developed  the  general  doctrine  of  marriage 
in  heaven,  as  we  hold  it  in  the  New  Church,  I  will  pro- 
ceed to  present  some  minor  points  that  we  may  untler- 
stand  it  more  accurately.  I -have  said  that  in  heaven 
marriage  is  a  spiritual  relation,  that  it  is  a  mental  con- 
junction, that  it  is  a  union  of  love  and  wisdom  and 
judgment  and  affection  whereby  two  angels  complete 
and  characterize  each  other,  until  together  they  make 
one  rounded,  full,  and  |)crfect  angel  for  the  receplio:i 
of  Divine  love,  and  for  the  performance  of  celestial 
uses.  Ikit  let  no  one  imagine  that  because  marriage  in 
heaven  is  mental  and  spiritual,  that  it  is  iheref(jrc  a 
kind  of  intellectualism.  Let  no  one  understarid  for  an 
instant  that  marriage  in  heaven  is  any  less  an  affec- 
tional  relation,  and  especially  let  him  not  think  that  it 
is  less  a  union  of  outward  expression,      liuleetl  all   the 


7-t  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

sights,  sounds,  and  sensations  of  heaven  are  spiritual 
things  in  visible  and  audible  forms.  Language  there 
is  audible  thought;  light  is  visible  truths,  ideas,  and 
emotions;  and  all  the  feelings  of  the  spiritual  body  and 
its  senses  are  only  the  embodiment  and  expressions  of 
spiritual  things.  The  relation  of  marriage  comes  under 
the  same  law,  and  this  most  spiritual,  this  most  Divine 
of  all  human  relationships,  is  one  which  is  in  heaven 
expressed  in  the  most  exquisite  of  external  companion- 
ships, and  the  most  tender  and  loving  of  external  asso- 
ciations. 

But  there  is  a  question  which  arises  in  the  mind  of 
every  one,  as  to  whom  he  shall  be  united.  Shall  those 
who  have  loved  each  other  on  earth  belong  together  in 
heaven  ?  Can  those  whose  married  associates  have 
gone  before  into  the  spiritual  world,  feel  that  they  shall 
be  united  with  them  in  the  eternal  life  ? 

The  New  Church  teaches  us  simply  this,  That  part- 
ners are  prepared  in  the  Divine  Providence  of  the  Lord 
for  each  other,  that  they  will  belong  together,  that  they 
will  be  complemental  to  each  other,  that  there  is  only 
one  in  the  broad  universe  of  human  souls  that  can  be 
this  exact  counterpart  to  the  other,  that  such  souls 
recognize  each  his  future  partner  when  they  meet,  each 
knowing  the  other  to  be  his  own  other  self. 

But  shall  this  one  we  are  to  have  in  heaven  be  the 
one  to  whom  we  are  conjoined  on  earth  ?     It  may  be. 


FIVE  SERMOXS  ON  MARRIAGE.  75 

Those  who  desire  it  may  think  of  their  future  union 
thus.  But  this  we  may  k/ioic^  that  whether  he  be  this 
one  or  another,  he  will  be  the  right  one,  and  that  we 
shall  see  him  to  be  the  right  one,  and  shall  be  more 
than  satisfied. 

Some  imagine  that  an  eternal  relationship  of  this 
kind  may  weary  of  its  freshness,  and  grow  monotonous 
from  its  long  continuance;  but  it  must  be  remembered 
that  in  heaven  our  growth  shall  never  cease,  that  every 
morning  our  strength  shall  be  renewed,  our  life  be 
more  keen,  and  our  experience  more  interior  and  beau- 
tiful than  it  has  ever  been  before.  The  time  shall 
never  come  when  any  one  in  heaven  shall  reach  the 
goal  of  his  possible  advancement.  lUii  day  by  day, 
"from  strength  to  strength,"  shall  he  progress  ever 
onward  and  upward.  \\u\  in  that  never  ceasing  jour- 
ney toward  a  more  complete  conjunction  with  the 
Heavenly  I-'ather,  each  step  is  only  complete  because 
another  shall  take  it  with  you.  I'.ach  new  truth  can  be 
only  understood  because  another  helps  you  to  compre- 
hend it.  Each  new  joy  can  be  only  fully  felt  because 
that  other  partakes  of  it  with  y(ju,  and  is  himself  the 
instrument  for  making  it  more  full  and  perfect.  l\ach 
moment  of  the  marrie'il  life  in  eternity  makes  thai  life 
more  precious,  more  delight  I  ul,  more;  unselfish,  more 
Divine.  Kach  step  makes  it  fresher,  newer,  and  re- 
moves it  further  from  the  possibility  of  monotony. 


76  FIVE  SERMOXS  OX  MARRIAGE. 

If  such  be  marriage  in  Iieaven,  should  we  not  all 
prepare  for  it  ?  And  how  ?  We  prepare  best  for  the 
heavenly  marriage  by  proving  true  to  the  earthly.  It 
is  not  by  an  exalted  thought  about  marriage  in  heaven, 
or  by  the  entertainment  of  lofty  sentiments  in  refer- 
ence to  it,  but  by  simi)ly  proving  true  to  the  Divine 
requirements  in  reference  to  marriage  now  and  here, 
that  we  prepare  for  it  in  heaven.  All  that  was  said  in 
the  sermon  on  "'What  can  be  Done  to  Realize  True 
Marriages  oi  Earth  "  applies  to  what  we  should  do  to 
prepare  ourselves  for  a  true  marriage  in  heaven.  The 
happily  married  should  do  everything  in  their  power  to 
make  their  union  now  more  unselfish,  more  pure,  and 
more  useful.  The  unhappily  married  are  to  seek  that 
devotion,  fidelity,  and  consecration  which  even  in  such 
relation  can  be  attained.  The  unmarried  are  to  keej[> 
themselves  true  to  their  ideals,  and  thus  with  all,  as 
they  fulfil  their  duties  in  reference  to  this  sacred  rela- 
tion in  the  life  on  earth,  will  they  be  prepared  for  it  in 
the  life  in  heaven.  As  children  best  prepare  for  their 
coming  manhood,  not  by  dreaming  of  what  they  will 
then  do,  nor  by  going  out  into  the  world  too  soon,  but 
by  doing  the  duties  of  childhood  an  1  youth  in  school, 
and  by  their  obedience  to  their  pa.-j.its,  so  do  we,  in 
this  time  of  preparation  for  heaven,  best  make  ready 
for  that  coming  blessedness  by  performing  now  the 
tasks  our  Heavenly  Father  has  laid  out  for  us — for  we 


FIVE  SERMONS  ON  MARRL4GE.  77 

are  only  children  now,  preparing  for  a  true  manhootl 
in  heaven.  "  If  ye  prove  not  faithful  in  the  unright- 
eous mammon,  uho  will  commit  to  you  the  true 
riches  ?" 

But  by  other  means  than  proving  true  to  the  mar- 
riage relation  on  earth  may  we  prepare  for  marriage  in 
heaven.  By  every  act  of  unselfishness,  and  of  obe- 
dience to  the  Commandments,  are  we  made  ready  for 
that  heavenly  union.  Unselfishness  and  devotion  to 
all  that  is  true  and  noble  are  the  very  substance  of  true 
marriage.  Devotion  to  these  things  in  any  relation 
prepares  us  for  that.  Every  act  of  honesty,  of  truth, 
or  of  kindness,  prepares  us  for  marriage  in  heaven. 
Kind  words,  self-sacrificing  deeds,  sliunning  of  evil, 
renouncing  selfish  purposes,  ami  seeking  to  be  pure 
and  true — these  are  some  of  the  most  efficient  efforts 
by  which  we  may  attain  a  preparation  for  marriage  in 
heaven.  Kor  whatever  path  of  life  we  may  be  pursu- 
ing; and  in  whatever  surroundings  we  may  be  placed, 
to  seek  honor  and  purity  will  prepare  for  this  celestial 
union  And  what  loftier  end  could  we  place  before  us? 
For  the  heavenly  marriage  is  the  supreme  blessing 
which  the  infinite  love  an<l  the  infinite  wisdom  of  the 
I-ord   have  provided  for  his  children. 


32301 


MM 


^hLh    <oEN.     ioiY 

BV4278   ,M36  18C 


895 


Five  sppmAmc  ^.^  .-^.^^^ 


UC  SOUTHtR'-.  KtijIi.i'jAl  ;  !l-;HAR\  lAi'lLIT^ 


AA    000  635  879    0 


VE    SERMONs'hN    MARRIAGE      M&^''^" 


^ 


